Love Up to the Stars!

New Year...New Beginnings

2010-01-18T11:39:00.005-05:00

The new year brought us a little snow, although nothing like the Christmas "snownami." I love snow. I know many people do not. I cannot understand how anyone cannot absolutely love snow. I think snow is God's reminder that every day is a new beginning and, no matter what happened yesterday or who you may have been in the past, God offers another chance. Today is a brand new day, and all can be forgiven by the One who can make you white as snow.

I was completely ready for a new year, as 2009 was a difficult one. I'm ready for change. I'm ready for God to do something new in my life. I think I often focus on what I want God to do around me that I sometimes miss what He is waiting to do inside me. This year, I want to always be listening for His voice and ready to act on all He would have me to do. I think of John Waller's song, "While I'm Waiting." What are we doing during the in-between times? What are we doing while we are waiting for God to unfold his hopes, dreams, and purposes for us? What are we doing while we are waiting for God to open doors we never dreamed possible? How we wait makes a difference and truly shows our trust, obedience, and love for our Lord. God will give us the desires of our heart when our heart's desire is Him.

I do not know what 2010 holds for me, but I know the One who holds every day in His hand. Nothing will happen this year that will take Him by surprise. The good and the bad...He already knows all about it. No matter what happens all around me, I know He will always be beside me. There will never be a day that He doesn't desire to use me. On the very worst day of this new year, He will still have a purpose for me. He will still be waiting to shine His light in me and through me.

New Beginnings: Every day, every moment we live on this earth, is a new beginning. Yesterday is gone, and we cannot change a single moment of it. We can however allow God to change us now in this moment. Shattered hopes and dreams are just threads in His tapestry, for the Master Weaver can transform anything into a beautiful masterpiece. Impossible people, situations...nothing is too hard for Him. And what He really desires is to renew and restore each one of His children who will humbly meet Him at the foot of the Cross. Yes, I'm ready to begin anew....

Difficult Answers to Prayer

2009-11-18T21:34:00.006-05:00

Think of something or someone for which you have been praying a long time. Now imagine your prayers are finally starting to get answered. A reason to rejoice, right? Of course, but did you factor in that answers to prayer can be difficult? I didn't I didn't plan for it to be this hard...

I'm finally starting to see the prayers I've been praying for my friend for so long answered. I'm learning that answers to prayer aren't always easy. When you truly pray for someone, trusting God to work in His perfect way according to His perfect plan then you set your agenda and will aside and allow for His. The ways He may choose to work don't always seem to make sense, especially when we can't see the whole picture. Right now I'm seeing answers here and there and trying to make sense of them all. I'm not seeing those answered as I would have expected, but I believe they are being answered...but...they are difficult answers.

The matters you pray for didn't happen overnight, so the answers don't often come overnight. They too are a work in progress. We want happily ever after results to our prayers, and we can't always see what God has in mind by how He works in our lives and the ones we love. Sometimes the answers are difficult...but God is greater than our hurting hearts...if we ever needed you, Lord it's now...

What Faith Must Do...

2009-11-15T13:57:00.003-05:00

There is a new song on the radio that I am just totally mesmerized by. I can't listen to it enough. I totally absorb myself in the lyrics:

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

What Faith Can Do - Kutless

I keep getting this feeling, conviction, sweet assurance that GOD IS ON THE MOVE!!! I have been praying so long for something...someone. So many years have past. My prayer hasn't really changed. I long for his salvation, his freedom, and his true joy that will never be found apart from Christ. I find myself crying to almost every song on the Christian radio. I've become totally vulnerable to what I believe God is doing right now. I believe He is working. Can I see it? No, not if I look with my physical vision. No. But I see something through the eyes of faith...something that my grace eyes have been praying for so long. Perhaps it's that speak those things which are not as if they were. I know now more than ever that what I've been praying for, hoping for, trusting God for is totally something faith can and must do. My part in all of this? Pray, pray, pray...be open to how God may choose to yuse me...but...pray, pray, pray...BELIEVE that this is what FAITH MUST DO.

When you see through faith and not through sight you start seeing things past what your earthly vision allows. I totally "get" "walk by faith not by sight." If I walk by sight, simply what I can see apart from faith, then that can be pretty depressing! And guess what? That is exactly where Satan wants me to stay. Because as long as he can move me toward despair because of what I am "seeing" or not seeing, then he can dishearten me to the extent that I may be still praying but my spirit has really given up. Well, I will not give up! God is on the move. I know. If it weren't so Satan wouldn't have to be working so hard! He's on the move and I am totally amazed by the tiny glimpses I can see of His work...and yet I know that there is so much more that is totally out of my sight. I love that line of the song that says "life is so much more than what your eyes are seeing..." "You WILL find your way, if you KEEP BELIEVING!!!" Wow...

I feel God's presence now. He is working. Silence doesn't signal His departure. Every trace of His work is a puzzle piece. Separately those piece don't make much sense. They seem pretty meaningless. They don't appear to serve much purpose. But once each piece starts to come together...wow...you finally can see the picture. We may never see the whole picture. But He does. So why shouldn't we trust Him with each and every piece that doesn't seem to make much sense to us? He knows how it will all turn out, and it will always be for His glory and for our good. God is on the move...the cares of my heart...this is what FAITH must do!

Believing for the Impossible...

2009-11-08T16:32:00.003-05:00

The last few days have been so difficult. As I was feeling so upset, discouraged, defeated Friday night I felt an overwhelming contradiction. I felt God whisper the impossible. You see I believe He has a plan that I can't even begin to imagine. If i were to share any of my thoughts with most people, I'm sure they wouldn't see it the way that I do. Gosh, I can't say I always see it the way I do either!

You see I'm believing God for the impossible. Too much in life is routine. We go to work. We go home. We go to church. We come home. We get up. We go to sleep. It's simple, well if you take out all the stuff that happens in between. But where within all of that is our purpose? I am referring to that unique purpose that God only has for you to do. Sometimes we get lost in the routines that we forget about those purposes. But we can't get so lost in our routines that we miss it. That we miss the moments that are clearly distinct from the routine. Sometimes we see His purposes as this achievable end. Yeah, like we can really box up God like that! His purpose is more of a journey. There may be this big thing coming down the road (where my believing God for the impossible comes in). But it doesn't start there and it doesn't end there.

I think it gets discouraging when we think it will start and end there. Look God I'm waiting for this...I'm really waiting for You to open this door. And we become stuck in our current circumstances waiting for that door to open. It all becomes about that door. I'm just getting by until this.... I think I've been guilty of that. I'm waiting on God for the impossible, and totally missing whatever He has for me right now. And honestly, I don't know what that is but...

I once heard Gloria Gaither talk about God's will/purposes for us. And she mentioned how Jesus would teach and this was a great ministry. But His purpose was about all that happened in between. You see we expect that teaching to be the big grand purpose. But it's not. It's the every day.

There may be this big grand thing God is going to do but there's also the preparation for that. And He's got purposes in those times too. I think that's the time period I'm in right now...

Someone told me the other day that I had such a beautiful spirit. I was shocked. I'm thinking, me??? You sure you meant me? She went on to say something about being so patient, etc. And then I was sure she couldn't possibly be talking about me!! But she was. See she saw me with grace eyes. She saw all that God was doing and was going to do in me. I only saw how I felt...my circumstances...my frustrations...my weaknesses. She caught a glimpse of His divine work. Honestly, patient is the very last attribute I would ever use to describe myself. But you know it's in our greatest weakness that God longs to do His work... You see that is also the exact place that Satan will try to strike us and tempt us. How much more do we need God to work in that area?!! If she saw patience in me...a beautiful spirit...then she saw God working. She saw God preparing me....preparing me for the impossible...

I am not saying what the impossible is but He has definitely put something on my heart. Prayer...that is what I'm lost in right now...prayer. This is something only God can do. If I even try to think it through I'll automatically be discouraged. No one can work in this situation other than Him....but wow do I see incredible things unfolding in the realm of this impossibility. I will trust You for what I know I can't do but for what you are more than able and have promised to do. I will trust in your salvation and in your redemption. I will trust your grace to fall like rain and bring forth a rich harvest for Your glory.

It's not too late...you CAN be saved...

2009-10-25T11:46:00.002-05:00

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth...

From "More Beautiful You" by Johnny Diaz

I hear this song usually several times a day. I can never hear the bridge without tears. It always makes me think of someone...someone very special...and how much I wish and pray for him. There is something about the line "It's not too late you can be saved" that gets me every time. The words shout to every fear that has ever tried to take away my hope and summarizes every prayer I've ever prayed for him...

The song means to me something different than it probably means to most people, including the singer/songwriter. I know the song is specifically about girls and not feeling good enough or pretty enough, etc. But when that bridge comes around I'm transported to another train of thought...something entirely different. And I think about all that has happened to my friend. I think about his "path." I think about every word I have ever spoken to him. I think about every tear I have ever cried over him. I think of every prayer I have ever prayed for him. Every fear...the hurt, anxiety, hopelessness, etc. Every tear is because I want to shout out "turn around...you're not too far...to back away...BE WHO YOU ARE...this is NOT who you are...BE WHO YOU ARE...who God created you to be...anything less is a life of settling and complete hopelessness. But it's not too late...it's not too late...YOU CAN BE SAVED!!!

So with each tear...I will pray another prayer...I will hope again and again. I will not give up on him or on what I know God can do in and through him.

Turn away from it and pass on!

2009-09-20T16:28:00.002-05:00

Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn away from it and pass on. - Proverbs 4:15

I read this verse recently, and it made me think about many things in my life. Today as I settled on this verse I thought about a dear friend for whom I have been praying so hard. He's trying to straighten up his life and make better choices. In the process of stepping into a journey of healing, there always seems to be things that try to hold us back. I believe he mentioned one of those things on the phone one night. He was talking about how he was hurt over someone he was interest in. Apparently this person didn't stick around and wait for him as perhaps he expected. Instead that person decided to go back to a past relationship. The news hurt him so much that it almost made him compromise his own healing by taking his own backward steps. I felt disappointed to hear that, even quite upset...like why are you letting this hurt you so much? To compromise your own healing for someone who wasn't worth it from the first place. You know that agonizing feeling when you are talking with someone and you just get the urge to shake them and say "Don't be so stupid!" That night my words were so few, and that was a good thing because I didn't have the measure of grace that he needed from me. Oh, but I am so glad that God does.

I started to think have I ever pursued something or someone that wasn't good for me. Have I ever "known better?" Did I ever need someone to give me a good slap in the face and say, "snap out of it, wake up?" And how did I feel or react if they did? The truth is I have been where my friend is: Hurt over someone who didn't even care about me in the first place. At the crossroads between an unknown freedom and a (comfortable) known bondage.

There are so many times in my own life when God has put signs up that said "Turn away from it, and pass on!" "Keep moving straight ahead, don't look back!" In those times I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt, I can speak from personal experience, that it is God and God alone who can wake someone up to the fact. Oh and prayers...prayers... I have seen God answer this very own prayer of someone else for me. It was a terrible experience that I went through last year, but I have learned countless lessons. And, so here I am standing reminded. I have been there. There are so many things/people I'd like for my friend to turn away from, pass on! I can speak til I'm blue in the face, but it's God and God alone who can lift the blinds from our eyes and help us to see the truth of what is standing before us, of where we need to go, of what we need to do (or not do).

God, I move out of the way, so I don't become a big bush that is blocking the view of the sign that you are holding up for my friend. Please give him the extra measure of grace today that I didn't know how to give...that I can't give...that only you can give. Your grace is Your omnipotent help when we need it the very most!

I turn away from my need to control...I pass it on to the only one who holds the future and changes the present.

Hold Me...Head and Shoulders

2009-09-04T13:28:00.004-05:00

Psalm 27:1-6 (The Message)

Light, space, zest— that's God! So, with him on my side I'm fearless, afraid of no one and nothing. When vandal hordes ride down ready to eat me alive, Those bullies and toughs fall flat on their faces. When besieged, I'm calm as a baby. When all hell breaks loose, I'm collected and cool. I'm asking God for one thing, only one thing: To live with him in his house my whole life long. I'll contemplate his beauty; I'll study at his feet. That's the only quiet, secure place in a noisy world, The perfect getaway, far from the buzz of traffic. God holds me head and shoulders above all who try to pull me down. I'm headed for his place to offer anthems that will raise the roof! Already I'm singing God-songs; I'm making music to God.

The other night I couldn't sleep. I was totally stressed out and there was no rest for my body or spirit. I was flipping the channels and stopped when I heard someone reading Psalm 27 out of The Message. I got hung up on these words: God holds me head and shoulders above all who try to pull me down. Are you get the image I am getting? If God is holding up my head and shoulders who can possibly successfully pull me down? They can try...and that's where I get stuck - overwhelmed with stress and anxiety over others' attempts to pull me down...to crush me...to kill every good thing in me. But if God is holding me head and shoulders then all they can do is try. They can kick me on every side, but I can't fall down...not unless I disconnect from the only one who can uphold me. At 3:00 a.m., this verse gave me much to think about. God is my only refuge...the only place where I can break free from all the noise of my life...all the voices in my head...all those things that I can't seem to "turn off" at night so that I can get a good night's sleep. He is my peace, my serenity, my hiding place from all those things that I really can't run away from - all those things the plague me and keep me up at night.

I'm thinking of Psalm 23 as if I'm "getting it" for the first time. He makes me lie down on green pastures. Think about that. He "makes" me. Why do we have to be made to do this? Think of fresh, tender grass on a spring day. Sky is crystal blue with not a cloud in sight. And we have to be made to stop and lie down and take it all in? Yes because we get swept away by all the busyness and all the stress. So we have to be made to stop. Made to rest. He leads me by the "still" waters. Still, quiet - again, the Lord is trying to get us to rest in Him. To find our calm in Him. He restores my soul. - And that's what I needed at 3:00 a.m. That's what I need right now. God to restore my soul. Because my spirit breaks. my countenance falls. I lose my peace in a world full of turmoil. I need Him to calm me down at night, and hold me head and shoulders through a day filled with things that will try to kick me to the curb. But they cannot. Because He is the one who holds me. His love, His peace, His strength, is what holds me.

No Passion

2009-09-04T13:11:00.003-05:00

I have found it difficult to write another entry as my last one pretty much sums it up. I am still at that place where I feel like "I'm waiting for my life to begin." I feel like my well has completely run dry. I have nothing more to give within current circumstances. There is no passion. I don't have passion for anything I am doing...but...I desperately want to do something that I am passionate about. So what am I passionate about...many things...many that I won't even write on here. Some of my passions are: fitness (especially indoor walking), singing, writing, song-writing, poetry, counseling (although I'm feeling less of a draw toward professional counseling and feel more drawn to lay-counseling, life coaching, etc.) and really anything that makes a difference. I would love to see my love for fitness and counseling/life-coaching come together - perhaps through the opening of some kind of wellness center that concentrates on the body, soul, and spirit. And yet I have just as much of a passion to write, write, write....and a deep love to sing and to sing what I write...So what's my next move? Right now I feel like I'm still "waiting." And maybe that's exactly what I'm supposed to be doing...

Waiting for My Life to Begin...

2009-05-24T14:23:00.003-05:00

Have you ever experienced that nagging feeling of "agh...I just want my life to begin!" Do you know what I mean? You've been living for x number of years, yet you're waiting for that one "moment" when your life really begins. Everything before that moment seems like a test run. Ok, I have tried this out, got a feel for how it works, and now it's time to really accelerate. I kind of feel like that right now. I feel like I am standing at the crossroads between what has been and what I desperately want there to be. I want a change. I need a change...

Closely connected with this feeling is that over-arching question of life, "What is my purpose?" or "What is God's will for my life?" Almost 2 years ago I met Gloria Gaither and heard her talk about God's will for our lives. She talked about how we spend so much time trying to figure out God's will, and we miss it. She explained how God will for us lies in all those "interruptions" when we are trying to do what we believe God wants us to do. When Jesus walked the earth he had a teaching ministry yet that ministry was constantly interrupted. People would come to him with all their needs; they sought healing. His ministry may have been teaching but God's will lied within all those interruptions.

The point is that every moment of life is God's will for us...there is no grand moment when we discover, "aha, this is God's purpose fore me." "Yes, my life has finally begun!" His will for us...our life's meaning...is wrapped up in every moment...even those times when we feel like we are "waiting" for whatever it is we are waiting for.

John Waller has a song on the radio that goes "While I'm waiting...I will serve you...While I'm waiting...I will trust you...While I'm waiting..." Our life has already begun, and God's purpose for us lies in every day and the choices that we make. We often get so wrapped up trying to find that special purpose that we believe God has for us, that we miss out on what He is trying to teach us and how He desires to use us along the way. While we are waiting...for something to change...God desires to change us and use us to inspire others in the changes that they too need to make. There's purpose in suffering...there's purpose in the darkest moment in our lives...and that purpose is not in concentrating on how we're going to get out of that situation but on how we respond to that situation while we're waiting for better days.

While we're waiting for our next step, God desires to use us to mop those steps...make them shine a little brighter. Sure those steps are just a bridge from where we are to where we need or want to be, but many people will walk on those steps in their own journey. How can we make their journey a little more meaningful because we chose to fully live out that dark moments of our lives with meaning and significance?

Broken into Beautiful

2009-02-28T13:28:00.009-05:00

I absolutely love this song:

Broken into Beautiful

Written by Gwen Smith / Sue Smith / Chad Cates

She's smiling on the outside
But she's hurting on the inside
It's getting hard just living anymore
And the shadows she has clung to
Painful things that she has been through
Have left her feeling worthless, Lord... but

You change worthless into precious
Guilty to forgiven
Hungry into satisfied
Empty into full
All the lies are shattered
And we believe we matter
When You change broken into beautiful

We live with accusations
Sometimes heavy expectations
That tell us we can never measure up
And yet You repeat with mercy
That in your eyes we are worthy
At last we see how much we're loved cause

Chorus

Though we can't see how we can stand before you Lord
And feel valued, priceless and adored

Chorus

Here's a link to the video on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDPEOAXTthI

"Broken into Beautiful"

"I will give them a crown to replace their ashes, and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow, and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness. Then they will be called Trees of Goodness, trees planted by the Lord to show his greatness."-Isaiah 64:3 (NCV)

Some people say that being a Christian means you have to give up stuff. "If I become a Christian then I have to let go of ____________." I remember a time in my life when I thought that. I thought I was missing out on things, "real living," because I was a Christian. I remember thinking, I want to go clubbing! I want to go to the bar! I just want to have "fun." Looking back, I now feel so differently. What did I miss out on?...

I missed out on feeling worthless.

I missed out on feeling guilty.

I missed out on feeling dissatisfied.

I missed out on feeling empty.

I missed out on so many accusations from the enemy.

I missed out on a list of endless expectations to which I could never measure up.

I missed out on years of regret, lonliness, despair, turmoil, fear, hopelessness...

Wow, yes, because I'm a Christian I have missed out on so much. What a blessing!!!

Seriously...of course life hasn't been a bed of roses. And I'd be lying if I said I've never felt those things. But it's not lasting! Because I know on whom I have believed! For me those things are just passing feelings that don't have to bind me into a lifestyle of ongoing pain and dissatisfaction. You see because I'm a Christian I've gained so much.

I've gained the title of being my Heavenly Father's precious treasure.

I've gained a get out of jail free card! I was guilty but He's declared that I am no longer condemned! It's as if all my mistakes never even happened. He's given me a beautiful snow white wedding gown.

I've gained ultimate satisfaction. I'm not trying to find myself anymore. I know who I am in Christ. I know I have purpose and I am living God's purposes for me. My search is over. I'm finally home.

I've gained an extravagant abudance. My God always goes above and beyond in my life. I know Him to be the God of the impossible and the God who truly sees me.

I've gained respect and honor. I'm no longer condemned. When the enemy accuses me of all things I've ever done wrong in my life....when he holds my past over my eyes to drive me to hopeless despair....well that's when I just remind him of his future...and I hold the Word of the Lord over his eyes to remind him he may think he's out on parole right now but he'll be locked up for all of eternity!!!

I've gained the praise of my Father. I no longer have to be "perfect." It's no longer my job to measure up. I am His new creation and every day He is making me more and more into the person He created me to be, a woman who was made in His very own image!

I've gained contentment...friendship...joy...serenity...assurance...hope

Yes, because I am a Christian I have gain so much! And, as for the things I've missed out on, praise the Lord!!!

Thank you Father that you have taken all the broken pieces of my heart and life and have transformed them into your beautiful masterpiece.

* something to say *

2009-02-02T21:22:00.003-05:00

Today I just felt like I wanted to disappear...a terrible gloom...a dark depression...swept over me all through the weekend and today. I'd find myself crying one minute, and wiping the tears away the next. I've just reached that point where I'm totally spent. I feel I got nothing more to give: not to my family, not to my job, not to my schoolwork, not to anybody or anything. I'm emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. I'm overwhelmed at what the next 3 months hold (2 classes, 10 hour work days, stress, stress and more stress!)....I feel like every day it's time to get up and be miserable all over again....i was thinking of and relating to this song by Matthew West (well I can relate to everything but 7:32 a.m.....I wish I got to sleep till then......it's more like that's when I need to be at work!):

Something to Say ~ Matthew West

Wake up, 7:32 AM
Can’t believe it’s time to do it over again
Yesterday, it took all that you had
And you’re wonderin’ if you’ll ever get it back
But the whole wide world is waiting for
Waiting for you to step out that door
Come on and let your life be heard today

You got something to say
If you’re livin’, if you’re breathin’
You got something to say
And you know if your heart is beatin’
You got something to say
And no one can say it like you do
God is love and love speaks through
You got it, you got it
You got something to say

Yeah, yeah
Something to say
Yeah, oh

Listen up, I got a question here
Would anybody miss you if you disappeared?
Well your life is the song that you sing
And the whole wide world is listening
Well the answer to the question is
You were created, your life is a gift and
The lights are shining on you today, ‘cause

You got something to say
If you’re livin’, if you’re breathin’
You got something to say
And you know if your heart is beatin’
You got something to say
And no one can say it like you do
God is love and love speaks through
You got it, you got it
You got something to say

Yeah
You got something to say
Come on, come on, yeah

Sing na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na, yeah

Listen up, I got a question here
Would anybody miss you if you disappeared?
Well your life is the song that you sing
And the whole wide world is listening

Oh

You got something to say
And no one can say it like you do
God is love and love speaks through
You got it, you got it
You got something to say

Yeah
Something to say
Come on, come on, yeah

And the world is listening now
And the lights are shining down
Shining down on you today,
‘causeYou got something to say

So just say it

***So I guess I need to hang in there, huh?

A New Year...

2009-01-24T20:47:00.002-05:00

I miss posting on here. I enjoy keeping up with friends on facebook and myspace, but I really do like blogger the best. Well, it's just the best place to blog :) I think it would be good for me to start writing again on here, every now and then at the very least...

It's a new year...and I just can't help but dream lately. But now that a new semester is beginning, work is escalating, and I'm trying to stay sane, well it seems that now reality is setting in. I hope that this will be my last semester of classes. If I can get through these two, while balancing work, then it is my desire to try to test out of my remaining two classes. I just want to be done with my master's. I know there's still more classes and many field hours that I'll need to complete for my license but, once I have my master's, I can start counseling. You know that's scary though. I've had so many psychology and counseling classes and yet I still feel clueless around people and their problems. Sometimes I wonder is this really what I want to do? The truth is I really don't know what God has in store for me, but I do know this is the field of study He called me to. And it may not be in preparation for private practice, but I still believe I'm right where He wants me to be. But oh how I wish He'd let me in on His plan for me.....

So what are my so called "plans" or resolutions for 2009?.....

-Exercise more....I have got to get back to walking with Leslie daily.....I've strayed too much in the last couple of months....walking everyday, if only a mile, is my goal........I've got to or the stress will kill me!

-Write again...I don't just mean on here.....but write my songs and poetry again....work on my book....just write....

-Sing again.....I haven't really sung in years. I'm no Celine Dion....but I do love singing.....and I've experienced no greater joy then when I'm on stage with a microphone either singing my heart out or leading worship.....I really need to find a way/place to start to really sing again....

-Finish up my Master's!! 2009 has got to be the year I finish this up! I'm so sick of school! And by the way I have absolutely no plans for a doctorate. I've heard enough horror stories. And I've got absolutely no desire. I'm so sick of formal education. I want to learn on my own. Read because I want to......discover things.......experience things.......I'm sick of the classroom!!!

-Don't lose faith...pray for God to continue to do the possible in my life and around me.....this is the year to be driven to prayer like I used to be.........to pray about everything......to believe that with God all things are possible......to believe that God has a plan so far above and beyond what I could ever imagine and He really does have my best interest at heart....

Wits End Corner

2008-11-15T13:16:00.002-05:00

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed..."--Romans 4:18

I LOVE the Message's paraphrase of this verse. Listen to this:

"When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn't do but on what God said He would do."

My friend, when everything is hopeless, we must believe anyway and make a conscious decision to live not on the basis of what we can see neither we nor any man can do but on what God says He can and will do. With God ALL things are possible (not some or even most but ALL!!!). Let us never underestimate the power that He holds. Sure we have free will. But God can and believe me He does work in human hearts!

Today, maybe this means very little to you. Maybe you've tried the God-thing and it just didn't work. Maybe you're saying sure this verse sounds great, but I just haven't found it to be true in my life. Maybe you're saying, God's not working on your heart, and you don't want Him to. Think about a heart that you'd love for Him/someone to work on. Maybe it's a broken relationship. Maybe someone really hurt you. Maybe there's someone that you are really longing to be reconciled with. That's what this verse is all about. Is there something in your life that seemed pretty hopeless that now you are seeing small signs of "hope" with? That's God...He's working. He's been working all along. We often miss Him because He does not always work the way we think He should. And His timing is often not our own timing. Take a good look, do you see His hand? Maybe you can't right now. Maybe now is a time God is calling you into a season of trust and faith. I've been praying for a few years now for some seemingly "impossible" situations......Situations that involve human beings with real circumstances and free wills of their own. But I have seen God work. And I didn't at first. It took so much patience. It took so much prayer. It took waiting on God's timing. But as I drew close to Him in faith, and as I allowed Him to change my heart first before my circumstances and that of which I was praying for, as I was obedient and patient He slowly showed me little signs of hope. Patiently, we must wait....

Wits’ End Corner

Are you standing at ‘Wits’ End Corner’
Christian, with troubled brow?
Are you thinking of what is before you
And all you are bearing now?
Does all the world seem against you,
And you in battle alone?
Remember – at Wits’ End Corner
Is just where God’s power is shown.

Are you standing at Wits’ End Corner,
Blinded with wearying pain,
Felling you cannot endure it,
You cannot bear the strain,
Bruised through the constant suffering,
Dizzy and dazed and dumb?
Remember – to Wits’ End Corner
Is where Jesus loves to come.

Are you standing at Wits’ End Corner,
Your work before you spread,
All lying, begun, unfinished
And pressing on heart and head,
Stretching out trembling hands?
Remember – at Wits’ End Corner
The burden Bearer stands

Are you standing at Wits’ End Corner
Yearning for those you love,
Longing and praying and watching,
Pleading their cause above,
Trying to lead them to Jesus,
Won’ring if you’ve been true?
He whispers – at Wits’ End Corner
I’ll win them as I won you.

Are you standing at Wits’ End Corner
Then you’re just in the very spot
To learn the wondrous resources
Of him who faileth not!
No doubt to a brighter pathway
Your footsteps will soon be moved,
But only at Wits’ End Corner
Is the ‘God Who is able’ proved.

-author unknown to me
(Psalm 34:19; 107:27)

Trust Him today. He can be your very Best Friend if you give Him a chance. Christianity isn't a cure all. And God isn't going to wave a magic wand and make everything perfect in your life. It just doesn't work that way. But there is never a day you have to walk down this road alone. And there is no situation that is hopeless and out of His control. He'll be there no matter what. Sometimes He'll just be that friend that you want to vent everything out to at the end of the day, or that faithful friend who just sits with you, while neither of you say a word. Today He'll hold you. Will you let Him? He'll kiss those tears. He's already gathered them all in a bottle. He loves you so much. You are His precious little one, created in His image. Will you talk to Him today? Maybe you don't know where to start. Just start talking! Maybe you feel you've messed up so much there's no way you could even approach him. He says come just as you are. You are never too far away to come back home. Today, He will lead you until you are back in His arms again. Today, He holds out His hand as you stand at wits end corner wondering what lies ahead for you. He's waiting. Will you come?

Blessings,

Star

Mercy Sees You!

2006-11-11T13:51:00.000-05:00

I think this is my favoirte song of all time. I just love these lyrics. I can't listen to this song without crying every single time. Interestingly, every spiritual gift test I have ever taken has shown that my spiritual gift is mercy; however, I don't consider myself a very merciful person. In and of myself I have no mercy. I'll be the first one to judge. I know my family would never say my gift is mercy. I definitely didn't show much of that to my sister this last year. But I know it's mercy. I have experienced "merciful eyes." God's given me this epseically with one person in my life. My dearest friend. I can look at him with total eyes of mercy. And perhaps my gift can't be used with everyone at all times, I mean I am not God. But He has given me the ability to show some people mercy at certain times, epscially this friend. And a lot of times when I hear about someone I don't know, I feel a lot of mercy. I have totally been broken and touched by this whole situation with Ted Haggard. I was reading the letters he and his wife wrote to their church. Today, this is his song. This is my friend's song. This is everyone's song, you and me. Perhaps you are reading this today and you are in desperate need of mercy. It's available today. Maybe not from me, but definitely from the One who loves you more than anyone else ever could. He loves you right now. Don't worry about those stains. Don't fix yourself up before coming to Him. He says come just as you are. Of course, He loves yoo too much to leave you there, and He will work with you everyday. Your spiritual growth is a journey, not a destination. Come and experience sanctified recovery as He wraps His arms around you, wipes your tears and just keeps you near. This is how mercy, how your loving Father sees you today because His Son died for you:

Mercy Saw Me
By: Geron & Becky Davis

The years had left scars. The scars had left pain. How could He recognize me? I wasn't the same. I knew I should pay, and I knew the price. For justice and law demanded my life. But His tender heart heard my desperate cry, and He saw my past through merciful eyes.

Beautiful, that's how mercy saw me. Though I was broken and so lost mercy looked past all my faults. The justice of God saw what I had done. But mercy saw me through the Son. Not what I was, but what I could be, that's how mercy saw me.

Whatever you've done, you can't go too far that His eyes of mercy can't see where you are. He loves you too much to leave you alone. You're flesh of His flesh and bone of His bone. And His heart cries out for your heart today. See yourself through His eyes and then you can say. Sin had stolen my dignity and all my self-esteem, but I was made brand new again when mercy looked at me.

Beautiful, that's how mercy saw me. Though I was broken and so lost mercy looked past all my faults. The justice of God saw what I had done. But mercy saw me through the Son. Not what I was, but what I could be, that's how mercy saw me.

God loved and esteemed you so much that He gave His one and only Son up for you, that if you would just believe on His Son, you will not be lost, you will be found, you will have a whole life (Don't you want to be whole?) and an eternal life (You will be with Him one day, in heaven and you will be safe, yes safe and secure in Him)...this eternal life through His Son, Jesus. (John 3:16 author's expression)

51 days til Christmas :)

2006-11-04T00:03:00.000-05:00

I absolutely love this time of year! Tonight we're getting the first freeze of the season! No snow, but at least there's a sign of winter being on it's way. I absolutely love fall and winter. Winter is my favorite and I am crazy about snow! I've already started to play Christmas music :) I can't get enough of this time of year! I hope I'll be able to enjoy it with work, school, and just so much busyness. I want my Christmas moments!

Happy Autumn! Aren't the leaves beautiful?

No One Else Knows...

2006-08-21T16:17:00.001-05:00

I've been going through some difficult family pain. I really feel my sister married someone she barely knew because she thought this was her last chance. I really think it was a mid-life crisis. I mean I have no other way of understanding how she ended up with this guy who's not even a Christian. It's just been aweful. It's just been so hard to deal with. I don't even know who she is anymore. Anyway, this situation just really got me to the place where I realized my family isn't my everything. They let me down. They won't always be there for me. Right now I feel more alone then I ever have. I feel so disconnected. At the end of the day I know the One person who has always been there for me and always will. The One person who will NEVER let me down. He is who He says He is, and He will never change. He's consistent. And He always looks forward to talking with me, even after I've hurt Him. He doesn't get mad and slam a door. He may be upset and hurt, but He never pushes me away. I really feel I've had to be broken in so many ways--friends, family, etc for me to finally see the God is first in my life. He has to be first.....everyone else will fall off that pedestal......they aren't number one.

There is absolutely no one who can understand us fully and completely except the One who made us and knows us better than we know ourselves. Have you ever felt like you "can't see beyond this place?" Well, trust theOne who can. He knows exactly how you feel, in fact He can explain it to you :) He is my sanity. He is my strength. At the end of the day, I have Him to come home to and He welcomes me with outstretched arms. He is the one who will wipe our tears away when no one has a clue we've been crying. Well He knows. And He's there right now with you in your pain, feeling it just the same. Let Him hold you today. He knows.

Building 429~~No One Else Knows

My world is closing in
On the inside
But I’m not showing it
When all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I’m broken
I’m broken
Only one can understand
And only one can hold the hand
Of the broken
Of the broken

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms
Again

I need no explanation of why me
I just need confirmation
Only You could understand the
emptiness inside my head
I am falling
I am falling
I’m falling down upon my knees
To find the one who gives me peace
I am flying
Lord I am flying

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms
Again

I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can’t see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I’ll leave it in Your hands

St. Thomas pics :)

2006-08-15T19:36:00.000-05:00

I finally managed to get pics on here!

Here is a sunset over the Charlotte Amalie harbor:

Here is a view of the Charlotte Amalie harbor from my hotel room:

This is the harbor at Cruz Bay, St. John:

This is Trunk Bay, St. John (an awesome beach!!):

More to come soon!!

I'd say it's time for a post!

2006-08-14T16:22:00.000-05:00

It sure has been a while since I've posted. I went on vacation to St. Thomas and St. John, and I've had trouble returning back to regular mode! I'm still on island time :) I'll have to post some pictures soon. Of course there's still one roll in my camera (wherever that is). I really would like to get a digital camera, but I just don't know anything about them. I do have a bit of a passion for photography. I've never taken a class though. I can take some really good pictures. The weather for most of our trip was not picture perfect weather. We could still go out and do stuff, but I just could not capture the shots that I had hoped for. I did get one good picture. When I say good I mean more toward the professional quality I'm going for. The contrast was awesome. You know I think I'll post a couple, and I'll start with that one.

Well maybe I won't be posting a pic. I tried to put one on here and it said it's been added and I don't see anything! I'm not sure how this works......I'll try to figure this out.

Only Grace

2006-07-17T15:55:00.000-05:00

I really love this song. There's no place so far that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. I had a dream a while back about a friend who pretty much wrote me out of his life. He's really gone far from God. Well in the dream I saw him and he was sad and feeling like he had really messed up. And I hugged him and said with the most firmest conviction: There's nothing that you've done that His (Jesus) blood can't cover. I have another friend who's walked away from God and there's been a couple of times when he's come so close to coming back to Him. During those times he would tell me things like, how can God accept me back. A lot of times people really do feel like they've messed up to much, and they have somehow missed the opportunity to be accepted by God. But it's all about what Jesus did on the cross. He is what makes us righteous before God, not our good "deeds." It's like my pastor always says, "The ground is level at the foot of the cross." The truth is, no matter what you've done, you're not alone. The Bible says that "ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God." It doesn't say most. It doesn't say everybody but _______." It says all. We've all missed the mark. We all need Jesus. Unfortunately, sometimes as Christians we decide to play judge and sadly turn people away from what is really offered to them: God's grace (God's help just when you need it the most; God giving us what we don't deserve) and God's mercy (God withholding from us what we do deserve).

Today, no matter how far you may have gone, just think about these words. This is what God's grace is. My favorite part is the bridge that says, "And if you should fall again, get back up..." Christians mess up too. Maybe you're involved in something right now that seems impossible to get out of. My one friend, when he was considering turning his life over to Christ felt so overwhelmed because it seemed like there was so much in his life that needed to change. I'm telling you, take the first step. Surrender your life to Christ. The rest of your life, God will work in your heart to make you into everything you were meant to be. It's a process. When Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, he was still bound! With every piece of the grave clothes that came off, he was a little more free. I believe this is how it is when we come to Christ. Sanctification is daily growth. We don't arrive until we get to heaven. Every day you will be a little more free than the day before, if you are walking in Christ, obeying God's Word, letting Him change you and mold you into all He created you to be. You will fall. But then you get back up again. And it is worth it.

So many people think you have to give up something to become a Christian. Well, yes you do. But you give up all the the stuff that's been weighing you down. And you take in the new life, abundant life, rich life that is offered to you. You don't give up anything good. I used to wonder if I was somehow "missing out." But dealing with my unsaved friends has quickly convinced me that the only thing I miss out on is the pain, the misery that exists in a life without my Heavenly Daddy. It's just a lonely and miserable way to live. Always looking for something to fill that void. But nothing ever does. I am totally filled, complete. No that doesn't mean that life is a walk on the park or that every day is absolutely wonderful. But I don't face it alone.

Everyone in your life will let you down at some point. I really learned this within the last several months. But God never does........It's only grace....and believe me it's enough!

Matthew West - Only Grace
From the album History

There is no guilt here
There is no shame
No pointing fingers
There is no blame
What happened yesterday
Has disappeared
The dirt has washed away
And now it’s clear

Chorus:
There’s only grace
There’s only love
There’s only mercy
And believe me it’s enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There’s nothing left now
There’s only grace

You’re starting over now
Under the sun
You’re stepping forward now
A new life has begun
Your new life has begun

Chorus:

And if you should fall again
Get back up, get back up
Reach out and take my hand
Get back up, Get back up
Get back up again

Chorus: (2x’s)

heat, heat and more heat!

2006-07-12T17:40:00.000-05:00

oops!!! in posting this i accidently deleted my last post (so, my mom did make it through)....

I moved into a new office recently, and came to find that the air condition unit is not working! Considering it's been in the 90s with high humidity, I have not been a happy camper!!! I come home from work every day so sweaty. We have five fans going just to get some relief. I keep hearing it will be better tomorrow....so I'll wait for the next tomorrow to come and pray it's not another sweaty one!!

Right now I'm sitting trying to absorb the nice air condition :)

Prayers Please

2006-06-23T21:36:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow my mom is going to have surgery to remove a cyst. My mom has many health problems, so any surgery is major surgery. If you read this, please pray. Thank you. She's really worried. She was basically saying her goodbyes. She's making me worried.

I just have a lot on my mind right now. There's so much going on. My heart is very heavy with anxiety. There are a lot of changes happening at work. I'm worried I'll lose my job. I just don't feel too great right now. There's a heavy spirit of depression and anxiety on me.

The other night I was reading in Exodus and came accross Exodus 14:14, which says "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Right now I need to be still. I need to rest in Him. I need to trust Him with everything that is out of my control. There are some battles I can't fight, but He can. Pray I be still. Thanks.

Love never fails!

2006-06-12T16:07:00.000-05:00

I attended Focus On the Family's Love Won Out conference. It has to do with the subject of homosexuality. I'm interested in that because I have had friends in my life who I found out/told me they were gay. It's not about gay-bashing, for if it was I would never want to be apart of it in any way because I'm totally against that. It's about sharing the truth. The truth is that there is no scientific evidence proving that homosexuality is genetic, but it is very evident that things that occur in one's developmental environment do cause someone to develop same sex attractions. I don't believe same sex attractions are a choice. No one woke up one day and decided to have those feelings. That's what makes it so confusing. While I don't believe the feelings are a choice, I do believe acting on them are. Just like I have straight feelings/attractions, and I can choose whether or not I will act on them. I believe changing from a homosexual to a heterosexual orientation is possible. Why do I believe that? Well first because of I Corinthians 6:11, which says this is what some of you "were." And then also, because thousands of people have. And I've met some of them. And yes, people may fall and go back into that lifestyle. No one is perfect. But for people who want something different they can achieve it, and they can live a life that they would never have been able to live otherwise. I don't say all this to say that you have to believe this.....or you have to apply this to your own life. The choice is yours. I just believe those who make this choice, the choice to leave the homosexual lifestyle, should not bashed just as I would never want anyone to bash someone who chooses not to.

It felt good to be surrounded by Christians, who had a love for homosexuals. Perhaps because they have a son or a daughter or a spouse or a friend or because they themselves are struggling with same-sex attractions. It felt good to be around Christians who truly reflected Christ (I'm not saying everyone did, but to be around this type of atmosphere). I know there are so called Christians who go to gay pride events and hold up signs that I could never write on here because they are just so hurtful. They put words in God's mouth that are not true concerning homosexuals. They say cruel things. What they do angers me so much. I'm grateful for the type of conference I went to that is totally against that cruelty as well.

Thank goodness that what we share with people is Christ, not other Christians. I am not asking you to look to other Christians to see who Christ is. Those who hold up those signs in the parades, do not reflect the God I serve. I am asking you to look to Christ and see the love that He has for you. A love that gave His only Son so that you may have life to the full.

Today, I bless you. I ask God to take a hold of you. To totally overwhelm you with His perfect love. A love that the most truest Christian can't even begin to reflect, because it is so perfect and so overwhelming, and so pure. Today, I stand before you as a fellow sinner. I've accepted God's free gift and He's redeemed me. The ground is level at the foot of the cross. There is nothing you've done that's so beyond God's forgiveness. Your sin is no worse than mine, whatever it might be. We've all sinned and come short of the glory of God. We all need Him desperately. Today, I offer you my God who loves you so much, whoever you may be today. He loves you. He created you. He has a purpose He designed just for your life. You've done nothing that has ruined His purposes for you. He can still do amazing things in you and through you. Do me a favor visit www.fathersloveletter.com Please don't leave here without knowing how precious you are to your Heavenly Daddy.

And if you are reading this and your are a Christian struggling with loving someone, read that too and be overwhelmed with God's love for you. Let it pour out to everyone you know. According to Exodus Global Alliance, there are over 155 million homosexuals in the world, making them the largest deliberately unreached people group. It's not your job to change their homosexuality, that is between them and God, it's your job as a Christian to be a minister of reconciliation. You are an ambassador for Christ. It's your job to share salvation with everyone, regardless of who they are and what you may think about their particular behavior. Don't count one's sin's against them. Bless them. God has given us the ministry of reconciliation. Pray for them. Love wins. Love never fails. Christ's love. It's God's kindness that leads one to repentence... Be kind, speak the truth in LOVE, and if you've been reedemed then share it, share what you've been redeemed from. He's pulled each one of us out of the pit and each pit was a filthy one no matter how "good" you've been in your life.

Love, Love, Love, Christ's Love.........share it with everyone today!

Testify to Love ~~Avalon

All the colors of the rainbow
All of voices of the wind
Every dream that reaches out
That reaches out to find where love begins
Every word of every story
Every star in every sky
Every corner of creation lives to testify

For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough
With every breath I take I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

From the mountains to the valleys
From the rivers to the sea
Every hand that reaches out
Every hand that reaches out to offer peace
Every simple act of mercy
Every step to kingdom come
All the Hope in every heart will speak what love has done

repeat chorus

Will you speak what love has done?
Love never fails!

God bless you!

Catching Up

2006-05-20T21:52:00.000-05:00

I saw Avalon and Zoe Girl last night! The concert was awesome! It was a great day :) Got some new shoes too :)

I got to see Casting Crowns a couple weeks ago and they were awesome as well! I absolutely loved that concert. In the last two weeks I have just been to the best concerts, and it's been so great!

School is out. I'm so happy! I am not taking any summer classes, yes!! I have a break from classes, so now I just have work. There's a part of me that really does not want to get my masters. Sometimes I envy the people who work and don't then go to class too. I can't believe how much time I have to do things after work now that classes are out. It's like the day is still young. It's so great having "free time." I have time to relax, have fun and just get to be with people and do things I don't get to do when I've got a pile of homework to do. It's soooooooooo great! I wish learning on my own, reading books would be enough. I wish that piece of paper wasn't that important. But I guess if I want to be a licensed clinical professional counselor, this is what I've got to do! I absolutely hate grades......hate tests.........I so wish I could learn and not have all that pressure. But it's just the way it is. Speaking about grades, I've gotten one back. I got an "A" in my marriage and family counseling lab course! I'm really hoping for another "A" in my other marriage and family counseling class.

The grade I am waiting for is in that class where I had the huge essay exam! I'm anxious, but I do feel that overall I did well. I think my project was pretty good, and I think I answered my exam ok. I just hope my professor thinks so! He's a hard grader. Well, I'm just going to not think about it for now, and hope for the best.

I think I'm going to take a shower now and get ready for bed. I'm ready to just rest and spend some time with God and have a good night's sleep!

Good night!

Lead Him Home

2006-05-13T19:17:00.000-05:00

Have you ever just really wanted to save someone? I've known my precious friend for almost 9 years now. He fell away from our God during this time. Ever since I've been eagerly trying to find a way to save him, only to realize time and time again I can't make him get saved. I can't save him. There's so many things I really want to "save" him from......eternal separation from God being number one. I've cried myself to sleep many times after my futile attempts. I'm thankful that I'm not alone and there is Someone who has been knocking on his heart for a long time. All I can do is be an example.....make him want what's in me and let the grace of God lead him home....

I just wrote this song as I was thinking about him, how much I long for him to share my faith again. How much I want him to come home. This song is for everyone who loves him........or for those who have someone like this in their life.

Lead Him Home

Did You hear my cries last night
Sometimes it seems like I want to fight
If he would just hear me
And believe me
Then he'd finally find his home in You
And You would wash him up and make him new

But I can't force him to newness of life
I can't force him to the truth
I can't force him to accept the One who who can save him
I can't drag him by his feet and lead him home

God please hear my prayer today
Please help me find the right words to say
And then help me listen
Really listen
And help me to really be open too
So that my true love may lead him to You

Cause I can't force him to newness of life
I can't force him to the truth
I can't force him to accept the One who who can save him
I can't drag him by his feet and lead him home

But I can...

Be a light in his dark world
I can shine out the hope I have in my Jesus
I can make him crave the contentment I've come to find
In the one who satisfies the insatiable
And heals the brokenhearted

Yes, maybe then...

He will freely run
Freely run into His Daddy's arms
Freely run and find the One
Who will say "welcome home son"
I have been eagerly waiting for you

And he will say...

It is You that I want
It is You that I love
I'm sorry for the path I took that lead me away
But thank You for not giving up
And for once again calling me, Your son

You can't force him to newness of life
You can't force him to the truth
You can't force him to accept the One who who can save him
You can't drag him by his feet and lead him home

Be a light and let God's love lead him home

-Star

The final stretch!

2006-05-01T18:14:00.000-05:00

Classes are almost out of the semester! This is the time when all the projects are due at once! I'm trying to get all that finished up. Next week I have a 20 question essay exam. Did I mention it was all ESSAY!!! Half a page each!! I've got a lot of cramming to do this upcoming weekend. Pray for me! I'm going to need each and every prayer. I totally need God's grace--His help right when I need it the very most. My exam is next Wednesday, May 11 at 6:30. If you remember, then be praying for me. I'll be really nervous. I have a test the next day as well but I"m most concerned about this huge essay exam. I probably won't be posting until after this is all over.

God bless you all.

Star

~ We've got to take it day by day ~

2006-04-22T13:07:00.000-05:00

To my dear friends who have lost such dear people in such short time--and to everyone who is experiencing life's most difficult times. Someday soon all of us who have faith in Jesus Christ will be with Him in His Kingdom, and He will reign. There will be no more suffering just joy in forever dwelling with our King as His adult daughters and adult sons, His princesses and His princes--there's hope in the promise of ETERNAL life!

Day by Day Medley
(Swedish Melody/D. Wyrtzen)
as sung by Christine Wyrtzen

Day by day, and with each passing moment
Strength I find to meet my trials here
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment
There's no cause for worry or for fear.

He, who's heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He sees best
And lovingly He gives with pain and pleasure
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Sometimes the day seems long; our trials hard to bear
We're tempted to complain, murmur and despair
But Chrsit will soon apppear to catch His Bride away
All tears forever over in God's eternal day.

It will be worth it all when we see Jesus
Life's trials will seem so small when we see Christ
One glimpse of His dear face, all sorrow will erase
So bravely run the race till we see Christ.

But just think of stepping on shore and finding it heaven
Of touching a hand and finding it God's
Of breathing new air and finding it celestial
Of waking up in glory and finding it home.

This song comes from Christine's album "For Those Who Hurt"--my favorite (although I wish she had put "The Fire" on this album)

Go to https://www.daughtersofpromise.org/musicinterface/ to hear sound clips from this album and other Christine albums. Daughter of Promise has "The Fire" on it.

The Fire

2006-04-20T21:58:00.000-05:00

My testimony for the past year or so and especially the last week--

The Fire by D. Jackson Searles
sung by Christine Wyrtzen

I've been through a fire
That has deepened my desire
To know the living God more and more
It hasn't been much fun
But the work that it has done in my life
Has made it worth the hurt.

Sometimes we need the hard times
To bring us to our knees
Otherwise we'd do as we please and never hear Him.

He always knows what's best
And it's when we are distressed
That we really come to (know) (love) God
As He is.

I absolutely love everything Christine Wyrtzen sings. She has such a soothing gentle voice similar to Twila Paris , but Christine's music just touches a hurting transforming soul in a way no other can. As a little girl it was her soothing voice that would put me to sleep and as a young woman who's been through a lot, her music wonce again brings rest to my soul. She has a special gift from God to totally connect to the heart of a woman. Her music is timeless. I'm glad that in my grief I have re-dsiscovered her music. Learn more about Christine and her music and ministry at www.daughtersofpromise.org

Easter Hope

2006-04-16T15:09:00.000-05:00

My family has always celebrated eastern orthodox Easter more so then the one most of you are used to. My family is Greek. Greek Easter is next Sunday....however,

My sister and I went to our church today for Easter (today's Easter :) ). We went just the two of us. It was the first time I saw my sister since all this has happened. I was worried about today after how distant and cold she had sounded on the phone last night. But today was good.

Mark Schultz was our special guest at church today! I cried through every song.

This next part is especially for No Average Girl (she will know who this is about). My sweet dear friend who has gone away from Christ loves Mark Schultz. Even at times when he is not open to even me sharing Christ with him, he will listen to Mark Schultz. I remember just playing songs on the phone for him. A month or so ago I sent him a Mark Schultz album, and I do hope that he has been listening to it, especially now that he has been crushed by his grandpa's death. Oh how I wish he could have been in church with me today. I prayed for him through every song, just crying hoping that where he is that today on Easter he will be touched by the love of Christ. Afterwards I saw Mark Schultz. I briefly told him about my friend who has been in my life for almost 9 years now. Because there were quite a number of people lined up for his autograph and because it's easter and just like the rest of us he wants to sit down to easter dinner (i"m guessing he had dinner with my pastor and his family!), they said that he would not be able to do personal autographs. Well my precious friend ended up being an exception! Mark Schultz did a personal autograph just for him!! I can't wait to get this to him. He's going to be so touched. Pray that God will use this to soften his heart to the truth of the gospel.

For my friend (I know he won't be reading this, but this is from his favorite Mark Schultz song, which he did sing today)--

"When you come home,
No matter how far,
Run through the door
And into my arms
It's where you are loved,
It's where you belong
And I will be here
When you come home."

I really do hope he goes back home to his family, but more so than this I pray he comes back home to the loving arms of his Savior.

When we are still a great way off,
our Heavenly Father sees us.
Filled with compassion, He runs to us.
He embraces us and welcomes us home.
He says, "I WILL be a Father to you, and You will be My son."
--Luke 15:20; II Corinthians 6:18

Heavenly Daddy, I need You

2006-04-15T19:59:00.001-05:00

After I learned that my sister (and her new husband) returned home tonight, I gave her a call. She seemed so cold :( I have never felt this distant from my sister in my life. It used to be that I was closer to no one more than my sister. This is the most heartbreaking thing I have ever faced in my life! And I've head some heartbreaking things to face (my father's death, watching friends I care about so much walk away from Christ, etc). I tried to share the hurt I felt for how she handled things....but she wasn't receptive to it. She just said in a cocky way that she eloped. She didn't have any desire to listen to any of my pain.....she just wanted to justify her actions. It hurts so much. She said that she still wanted to go to church tomorrow with me. I so don't want to go with her, but I fought the ever increasing desire to distance myself from her and told her I would go with her. Pray for me. This is the first time I will be seeing her since all this happened. I have so many different feelings inside---hurt, anger, confusion, fear (who is this person I thought was my sister?). I really don't want to go with her. And I surprised myself by gently saying I'd go and letting all the hurt tuck back inside me. If I never get to share my hurt with her, I think one day (I hope anyway) she will realize how her actions have hurt me, our mom and family as a whole.

I am a much more judgmental person than I realize. I can't believe how loving and merciful I can be to a best friend whose making poor choices, but how quick to condemnation and jugment I am with my sister. I guess it's so different with your family. Not that you love the non-family person any less, it's just different. And it's different for me because she isn't just my sister.....she really raised me. She is like a mom. You put your parent figures on a pedastal. Your mentors. And when they fall......well, you didn't prepare for that. And it's so heartbreaking.

Heavenly Daddy, I need You....

I need Your love to break through my hurt.

I need Your truth to speak to my confusion.

I need Your grace to help me be like You.

I need Your mercy to realize I make mistakes too.

I need Your hope to believe that there will be better days.

I need Your faith to guide me every step of the way.

And Heavenly Daddy, I need You to hold me.

Squeaky Clean Sleep

2006-04-14T16:00:00.000-05:00

Well, I know people were praying that I'd be able to sleep last night. God found quite a unique way to calm my anxious heart.

I took a shower last night, then used the bathroom and I was then going to go to bed. Well, I flushed the toilet and it didn't go down, it came up! There was no overflow at that point. Just me trying to figure out how to fix this toilet. I didn't have a plunger, so I thought, hmmm maybe the toilet scrubber will have the same affect. Last night I learned that toilet scrubber is a toilet scrubber. That is it's role. This is the function it performs. That's it. I thought I'd wait for the water to settle down and then try flushing again. You know, maybe the scrubber did a little something. Maybe it took care of any blockage. Well like I said, I learned that a toilet scrubber scrubs, it doesn't plunge! The water overflowed into the entire bathroom!!! I then went off in search of a toilet plunger. I finally found one. I didn't have an instruction manual though. So I tried to figure out how this little gaget worked. After several attempts at working this mysterious gaget, the water went down and the toilet was fixed. But what a mess that was waiting for me! How do you get rid of half an inch of water covering the entire floor? That was my next adventure! I started mopping. But mopping that much water is like rowing a boat. The water was just going back and forth. Nothing was happening? Then believe it or not I started plunging the water! Maybe this thing works on a floor too!! Nope, don't try this at home! I eventually decided just to leave the fan on all night and hopefully by morning the water would be dried up. Well, I hopped in the shower, because by then I just felt icky from my icky situation. So went in for shower number 2!

This morning.....

This morning I spent four hours in the bathroom! The water had indeed dried. However, apparently some of the water that was around the toilet area had tiny pieces of shred up toilet paper mixed in it and it was now dried up and glued to the floor! What do you do???? I got a ton of disinfectent, hot water, and started mopping like crazy!! Then I waited for the floor to dry, while cleaning the toilet and the cleaning products! Then I vancummed the floor. Then I took a shower. Then I came out of the shower and the floor still looked bad. Off to round two of cleaning! Round two was followed by round three and round four and five! By then I need another shower!!! Yes, I took 4 showers within 10 hours.

I got my sleep and it was squeaky clean!

No sleep....but not out of His rest and care....

2006-04-13T06:26:00.000-05:00

Last night I received the worst news I could have ever expected out of this situation with my sister. Yesterday morning she told my mom she was going for a ride, and she went and got married instead. My mom found out last night from my aunt, her sister-in-law. The only person she told was an aunt we don't even talk to all the time. Anyway, it's a very long complicated situation that I have not desired to mention in detail on this site. But in short, this is not a good thing. In other words, plead do not say congratulations. I'm heartbroken. This was my perfect sister who's never done anything wrong (well, we all do but she was as close to perfect as they come). She was the one who raised me. Who instilled all my morals in me. And now I don't even know who she is...

For whatever reason, God did not see it fit to grant me sleep last night. I had talk to two people. Felt better. Was starting to feel some peace. I played soothing music. I prayed. And I genuinely believed I would be able to sleep. I felt sleep near. But it didn't come to me all night. And now I have to go to work. And then a 3 hour class tonight and take a big quiz. I don't know how I'll get through that. I want to do well on my quiz. But by tonight I will be a zombie. Pray that God would grant me alertness and strength today to do well but then give me sleep tonight when I go to bed.

I can't even describe the brokenness I feel at this moment.

The eyes of God are upon me,
He sees everything I do
The arms of God are around me,
He keeps me safe and secure

And He knows where I am every hour of every day
He knows each thought I think,
He knows each word that I might say
And although there’ve been times I’ve been out of His will
I’ve never been out of His care

This changing world alarms me, with war – with strife – with sin,
But our loving Father charms me, with joy – with peace and with life

And He knows where I am every hour of every day
He knows each thought I think,
He knows each word that I might say
And although there’ve been times I’ve been out of His will,
I’ve never been out of His care
And although there’ve been times
I’ve been out of His will,
I’ve never….. been out… of….. His… care

("I've Never Been Out of His Care")

It's only your love that can carry the hurt. Can I ask you to carry me for a few painful miles?

It is Well with My Soul

2006-04-12T06:23:00.000-05:00

It is Well with My Soul

by Horatio G. Spafford

This hymn was written after two major traumas in Spafford’s life. The first was the great Chicago Fire of October 1871, which ruined him financially (he had been a wealthy businessman). Shortly after, while crossing the Atlantic, all four of Spafford’s daughters died in a collision with another ship. Spafford’s wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, “Saved alone.” Several weeks later, as Spafford’s own ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, the Holy Spirit inspired these words. They speak to the eternal hope that all believers have, no matter what pain and grief befall them on earth.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blest assurance control,

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

Refrain

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Refrain

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:

If Jordan above me shall roll,

No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life

Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

Refrain

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,

The sky, not the grave, is our goal;

Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!

Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

Refrain

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.

Refrain

I will stand behind His Word...

2006-04-11T20:22:00.000-05:00

But if He chooses not to move in the way we prayed He would,
I'm confident He's working all together for my good.
And I will stand behind His word, for He is able.

This has been such an emotionally distressful weekend and early week for me. The quote from last post's song sums up what is happening with my sister now. It's all moving forward. It's set now. And I'm dealing with the pain of watching the woman who raised me and has always done everything right, make a decision that greatly disappoints me and breaks my heart. It is such a loss for me. A loss of a relationship that will be forever change. One that seems to be losing its closeness. I can't say more now....I've talked about it a lot today and I need to rest. I thank you for your prayers and hope you'll continue to remember me any my family in prayer.

At the same time I'm heartbroken for friends who are so dear to my heart losing such a dear man in their lives. My heart goes out to my sweet friend NoAverageGirl who has lost another grandpa in just a few weeks! And her entire family who's dear to my heart.....and to her cousin who is such a special friend to me. I feel so broken for all of them. Please pray for their family during this difficult time.

God bless each one reading this.

And thanks!

Star

He Is Able

2006-04-07T19:53:00.000-05:00

He Is Able

Like peering through a window blurred with rain,

Emotions run together in a flood of doubt and pain.

We've prayed as best we can,

Now we must leave it in His hands.

Chorus:Yet, I know when my eyes fail to see, He is able,

And even though it seems impossible to me, He is able.

But if He chooses not to move in the way we prayed He would,

I'm confident He's working all together for my good.

And I will stand behind His word, for He is able.

Questions seem to haunt us night and day.

How could God allow my heart to be torn this way?

Does He listen when I call? Is He even there at all?

Chorus:Yet, I know when my eyes fail to see, He is able,

And even though it seems impossible to me, He is able.

But if He chooses not to move in the way we prayed He would,

I'm confident He's working all together for my good.

And I will stand behind His word, for He is able.

And as the night gives way to dawning and evaporates away,

I'll stand to face another day.

And I will stand behind His word, for He is able,

He is able, He is able!

Words by Jon Mohr.

Sound clips:

http://www.deborahklassen.com/rm/f08.ram

http://www.securedaystar.com/shop/img/cj6/Mp3s/06_He_Is_Able.mp3

Thank you so much!!!

2006-04-04T21:58:00.000-05:00

Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results.--James 5:16

I am completely overwhelmed by the response I got from my post concerning the situation with my sister. I am so encouraged by it. It's like God saying to me that He has heard every single prayer and seen every single tear. And reminding me that He has been on this since before it ever started. To see responses from 16 people when until now I've only had one faithful reader of my blog and one visitor (that I know of). I really do believe God wanted to make it clear to me that He is here and He is working.

I no matter what happens, even if nothing changes, He is in control. His timing is not my timing, and His ways are not my ways. He does convict and move in people's hearts, something I can't do no matter how hard I try, but He does still give free will. No matter what He will see me through and see my family through.

My prayer is that I will not for a second lose faith, no matter how dark things may become...knowing He doesn't promise to change our circumstances but He will change us if we let Him.

Thank you so much!!! I can't wait to visit each of your blogs really soon. Your prayers mean more to me than I could ever express into words. Come back and visit any time!

May God bless each one of you.

With deepest gratitude and appreciation,

Star

Against All Hope

2006-04-01T21:38:00.000-05:00

“Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed…”—Romans 4:18.

I love this verse in the Message paraphrase:

“When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding not to live on the basis of what he saw he couldn’t do but on what God said he would do.”

And this is what we must do. When everything is hopeless, we must believe anyway and make a conscious decision to live not on the basis of what we can see neither we nor any man can do but on what God says He can and will do. With God, ALL things are possible. Not some. Not most. ALL!

Tonight, right now, it is my prayer that God would help me to fully believe these words and help me to do this. I am so devestated. I've been praying for something not to happen for so long now in regards to my family. I truly believe with all my heart that my sister is about to go through with the worst decision ever that will destroy her life. If you have a sister who you are closer with than with any other person on this earth, then maybe you could understand how I feel right now when I've already lost some of that special closeness because of choices that I truly believe are not according to God's Word.

I'm so broken. I kept holding on to the verse that says that a man will make many plans in his heart but only the Lord's purpose will prevail. I kept praying that God would reveal what was hidden and expose the truth that anything not of Him would be revealed for what it is. But against all hope, Abraham in hope believed. And against all hope, Star in hope must believe. I must make a conscious decision to keep trusting in the One who is in control. I am not in control. I cannot change these things. And though they break me, He will heal me. He will restore me. He will continue to work in my life, if I continue to cling to Him. I know that God works all things together for good.....and I must not lose hope. I must not give up.

Please keep me in your prayers if you are reading this. And keep my family in my prayers. And please pray that my sister would see God's will and purposes for her life. That God would reveal to her any choice that is not pleasing to Him.

God's Love is INCOMPREHENSIBLE!!

2006-03-16T10:45:00.000-05:00

God's love is incomprehensible! Today, do you really know that God's love for you is incomprehensible? And I"m not just talking about those who believe in Him and have accepted the life we have in His Son. Today, whoever you are, whatever you have done, God loves you. My God is not willing that any should pership but that ALL should receive the eternal life found in His Son. There is not a particular number of people He sent His Son to die for. Jesus came for each and every life. He came because of God's incomprehensible love. Today, if you think there is any reason at all why God's love cannot reach down to you, why there would be anything that would make you unlovable to Him, consider this:

I have been sick all week, and in the process have catched up on a lot of television! Well I was watching my favorite channel. I don't have cable, just local tv and I am so blessed that they have added a 24/7 Christian channel to our local tv stations! I absolutely love it and have been getting so encouraged in the Lord! Anyway, I was watching my favorite Christian talk show, Joni. She's the Oprah of the Christian world!! She had an interview with Steve Saint and one of the tribal men that killed his father. For those of you who do not know, Steve Saint is Nate Saint's son, and one of the missionaries that the movie "End of the Spear" is about. Nate Saint and the other missionaries were so compelled with the love of Christ that they had to share the gospel with them and tell them of the wonderful salvation and love we have in Christ. Instead they lost their lives without telling them because they speared them. Years later the widows and relatives of these missionaries went back and they did share the gospel with the very people who killed their husbands, brothers, friends. Today Steve Saint considers one of the men who killed his father to be family. He calls him grandfather! This is God's incomprehensible love. You cannot comprehend how these families could not only have forgiven these people but continued to share the gospel and then dwell with them as family.

I haven't seen End of the Spear yet by the way. I will have to wait for the dvd release, and I can't wait! What an amazing story. I totally loved hearing the interview. Steve Saint has such a heart for God. It was a blessing for me to watch this and get to know the real story because I never knew all that! It was a blessing to because if I hear one more Christian who won't see the movie because the person playing Nate Saint and Steve Saint is gay, I will just lose all my patience! It's a real slap in the face too, because God has called me into a ministry for homosexuals and their families. And it does not help when Christians act like homosexuality is the unpardonable sin! First of all, I don't know about you but I expect a non Christian to act like a non Christian. This doesn't shock me. And yet homosexuality seems so much more terrible to some Christians than murder. God doesn't compare sins like this. Sin is sin. And homosexuals are hurting. Most have been through some horrible experiences growing up. They are in desperate need of God's love and grace just as you and me! They also need to understand and be shown how their same sex attractions developed. They have real feelings and feel real attractions and to just say you weren't born gay but not explore with them how they came to this point, leaves them just angry because they really really think they were born that way. Unless they are shown, unless you take the time to really explore with them how they eventually came to the point of even thinking about this (and this means you yourself must have an understanding of homosexuality, more than just the Bible says it's wrong!). When we have this type of attitude we only push them away more. And we paint such a terrible picture of our God. They don't want to know about a God that they have been persuaded hates them.

Anyway, one of the parts that really touched me is they showed a clip of Chad Allen and he said that Steve came up to him, put his arms around him, hugged him and told him thank you for doing this. Steve wanted Chad for this part. To play him and to play his father. And just think, Chad walks away from this learning about who God really is. Not about the inccorrect image of God he has received from the so called Christians at gay pride and aids events that hold up signs saying that God hates them. But about the God whose love is incomprehensible! And I went to Chad's website and he was talking about the film and you could tell it was more than just a film he acted in. He knows this is a real story, this is someone's life. And he got to share Easter sunday with Steve Saint and the tribal people. Chad walks away getting the message of the gospel, which is something that wouldn't have happened had they said, no you can't play this part because you're gay! What if Chad had played in Brokeback Mountain instead?

I truly believe it was not a mistake that Chad played in the movie. I believe it's exactly what was meant to happen and I truly believe God used it in Chad's life. I believe seeds were planted. Now instead of putting our hands on our hips and saying I'm not seeing this movie because the actor is gay and that is just so wrong because this is a Christian movie and this and this (by the way, are all the other actors Christians? and what about people who have played Jesus, is anyone worthy for that role?). ---Instead of all this, let's pray that the seeds that were planted in Chad would be watered. That God would use this in his life to bring him to Him. Consider this: Imagine if Chad accepts Christ and finally knows the truth that he was not born gay and can change. What kind of impact would he have? Imagine how many more could come to a knowledge of the truth? So instead of assuming that this was a mistake. Let's pray about how God may use this to reach people who would not otherwise have seen this movie, and to reach Chad himself.

Today, are you leading people to Christ and the incomprehensible love of God or away from Him? Christ didn't say go out and preach the gospel to everyone but this and this person and to those speak God's judgment. He said to share it with everyone! And we know through the end of the spear story that God loves everyone and wants them to come to a knowledge of the truth, even murders of His own people (just like the murderers of His Son) and yes even someone like Chad Allen. Do you have a Chad in your life? Someone you've give up on. I promise you, he is still listening. They don't stop listening. I know that for a fact. Choose your words wisely, and know that it is your life that speaks more than anything. Share the gospel with everyone God brings in your life, if necessary use words.

Casting Crowns, Avalon & Zoe Girl!!

2006-03-03T22:27:00.000-05:00

I am so looking forward to May! For one, I'll be done with my classes :) And secondly and most awesomely, I am going to two great concerts! I am going to see Casting Crowns and Avalon and Zoe Girl! I am so excited because I have never seen Casting Crowns or Zoe Girl in concert. I've been so hoping for a long time that ZoeGirl would come in the area and they never did, and now finally after all these years I can go to a ZoeGirl concert! Yeah! So I'm soooooooooooo excited and looking forward to May!!!!

One of those days!!

2006-02-23T12:41:00.000-05:00

AHHHHH!!! I tore my dress and didn't realize it! Here I am going around walking with a huge tear in the seam. I only wonder if anyone noticed! Oh gosh how embarressing! I feel like I've been walking around naked. Maybe everyone saw my underwear today! AHHHHHHHHHH!!

What a morning!!

Happy Saint Valentine's Day!

2006-02-14T22:45:00.000-05:00

The Heart of Valentine's Day

Beyond the roses, chocolates and historical ties to a pagan fertility festival, you'll find the real meaning of Valentine's Day. It's the true love that compelled a young Christian to give up his life rather than stop sharing his faith.

Valentine's Day

When we think of Valentine's Day, we often think of red roses, candy in heart- shaped boxes, mushy valentines, and winged cherubs flying about shooting starry-eyed lovers with arrows.

But did you know that the origin of Valentine's Day, or Saint Valentine's Day, comes from the life and death of a Christian martyr? According to author Martha Zimmerman, the date traditionally celebrated as St. Valentine's Day finds it origin in the Roman festival of romance called Lupercalia, when the gods Juno and Pan were honored. It was a fertility festival or a lover's holiday looking forward to the return of Spring. In the fifth century, in an attempt to abolish the pagan festival, Pope Gelasius changed Lupercalia and its February 15 date to February 14 and called it Saint Valentine's Day. Even though the names and the date were changed, the emphasis continued to be on love.

Who was the real Valentine, and why did he have a day named after him?

Some authorities credit Geoffrey Chaucer with originating the custom of linking Valentine's Day with lovers. No link between the day and lovers exists before the time of Chaucer, thus leading some to conclude that it was this famous English author who connected the day with lovers. The fullest and earliest description of the tradition occurs in Chaucer's "Parliament of Fouls" composed around 1380. Since that time it has been traditional to connect St. Valentine's Day with love.

But who was the real Saint Valentine? St. Valentine was a Roman Christian who, according to tradition, was martyred during the persecution of Christians in the third century by Emperor Claudius II. The only thing certain about the day we remember as St. Valentine's Day is that it commemorates a martyrdom. Claudius II declared all Christians illegal citizens. By his definition, they were guilty of treason because Roman citizens were required by law to worship the Emperor by declaring publicly, "Caesar is Lord!" Of course, this no Christian could do.

The real Valentine was a Roman Christian martyred during the third century A.D. by the Emperor Claudius II. Prior to his death, Valentine continued to minister in prison by witnessing to his prison guards. One of the guards was a good man who had adopted a blind girl. He asked Valentine if his God could help his daughter. Valentine prayed and the girl was given her sight. The guard and his whole family, 46 people, believed in Jesus and were baptized. When the Emperor heard about this he was furious that Valentine was still making converts even in prison, so he sentenced Valentine to death.

Just before being led out to his execution, the young Christian wrote a note to the jailer's daughter, signing it, "From your Valentine." The first valentine was really a Christian witness. Growing out of this story we participate in a custom of sending cards to people we love.
Given that the tradition of sending love notes grows out of a letter written by St. Valentine to his jailer's daughter on the eve of Valentine's execution, it's ironic that the card we send has received the emphasis, instead of remembering the content of the original Valentine's card: a message of unconditional devotion to Christ, even upon pain of death.

Over time the word "Saint" has been dropped from St. Valentine's Day, further obscuring the origins of this holiday. Instead of a negative reaction to some of the pagan origins of the day, why not celebrate the true love that compelled young Valentine to give up his life?

Remember that the day we know as St. Valentine's Day actually commemorates the death of an early Christian martyr, Valentine, who was put to death for refusing to renounce his faith in Christ.

Instead of chubby cherubs, sappy cards, too much candy, and soon-wilted flowers, why not point your family toward the true significance of St. Valentine's Day this year?

By all means, celebrate the day, but re-inject it with Christian meaning by resolving to live for Jesus without fear or shame, following the godly example of Valentine's unconditional love for Christ.

How can you celebrate St. Valentine's Day in a way that honors the original Valentine, who was martyred for his devotion to God?

First, give your life to Christ.

Second, declare the truth about God's love even if it costs you something.

Third, become a servant to those you love, rather than demanding that your needs be met. According to pastor Alex Stevenson, we all want to hear the phrase, "Be my Valentine." It simply means "you are loved."

This Valentine's Day, remember that you are loved. God loves you and wants you to be His valentine. The love that God gives us is not like the world's love. The world's love is only as sturdy as a paper Valentine's card. But God's love is not a flimsy, cheap imitation: it is the real thing. It is an all-giving love that was and is willing to suffer and die for our deliverance.
Will you be God's valentine? It is your choice. Say yes and give to God the love He desires. And when you do, remember the first Valentine and how he gave everything, including his life, to the God he loved.

SNOW LOVER!! And proud of it!!

2006-02-10T16:52:00.000-05:00

We are under a heavy snow warning!!! I am so excited even though it's going to be happening over the weekend when it doesn't "count" as much. Of course I would rather it be during the week and be off work and school; however, we have had a VERY pathetic winter here and I have been longing and longing for some snow. So I will take it now thank you! I actually prayed for some time last night, asking God if it be within His will that He would give us a nice snow storm for our area. So far so good, although they never know around here. We are always on the line of the heaviest snow and not as much snow and usually get the not as much snow, but hoping this time we will get a lot! We are under the heavy snow warning so this is good! I'm sooooooooo excited!!!! Did I say I LOVE snow!!

I totally can't understand snow haters. We have way too many of them around here. If you hate snow, then I think you should go live in Florida or somewhere like that. Personally I love all seasons and want to experience all 4 seasons that God made. I would totally hate living in Florida or somewhere where they do not get all 4 seasons. Winter is my favorite, because of snow.

Snow is so beautiful. Each and every snow flake is different. Just like us! How can we not enjoy something that is a beautiful reminder of how we were each uniquely created by God in His image. Snow is the handiwork of God. And I am going to enjoy one of my favorite objects of His creation!!!

SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jesus Take the Wheel

2006-01-21T18:15:00.000-05:00

Even though I went through some lousy things last week, I have made it through! And this is only because of God. He is always with me no matter what. This doesn't mean that every day in my life will be perfect, it just means the one who is perfect will help me through every day....and one day everything will be perfect when we are with Him. Till then He's here to help us through. Sometimes we just have to say, "Jesus take the wheel!" You drive, I'll ride!

I love this song. Perfect song for a not so perfect week :)

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way I've been living my life I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh

-Carrie Underwood - Jesus, Take The Wheel

TGIF!!!

2006-01-20T16:58:00.000-05:00

This has been such a terrible week!!!

The week started off with the most terrible email from my former ministry supervisor. She accused me of "using and abusing the ministry" just because I told her I did not have any money and would not be able to contribute to paying off the debts. I can't pay off my own debts! Her email was just so mean and un-caring, un-understanding...I was in total shock! This was the person who just a couple of weeks ago had said what a valuable volunteer I had been. Now she says I've used and abused the ministry and just walked out. I was so hurt. I'm waiting for God to help me figure out how to respond to her. She ended by saying how much she expected from me. I guess she wants me to go rob a bank cause she didn't get that I have nothing to give her!!

Then I made the mistake of working 10:00 to 6:30 yesterday instead of 8:00 to 4:30. I had class at 6:45. I barely made it there because I got so tied up advising a new student on his program curriculum.

And it gets worse. A co-worker wrote me the most rebuke-filled email accusing me of something regarding something I had said, but which I never meant in the way he was accusing me of. And it didn't have anything to do with him. It's like he took something that meant absolutely nothing and made something huge out of it. He was so mean. And I just felt like he found something to use against me. I have felt like he hasn't liked me since I got there, and I have no clue why!!

So anyway, all that and after 7 hours of classes this week. I'm so glad it's Friday! I"m sleeping till at least noon tomorrow!

School Days...

2006-01-16T12:01:00.000-05:00

Another semester starts this week. Break goes by sooo fast! I'm taking 6 credits of Marriage and Family Counseling, lecture and lab. It's going to be a lot of work!

The following are real school excuses, explaining the reason behind the absence of students. Enjoy! :-)

12. Please excuse my son for being absent yesterday, because there is a river in our house.

11. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

10. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

9. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. He fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

8. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

6. Chris will not be in shcool cus he has an acre in his side.

5. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

4. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrheea and his boots leak.

3. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we fouind it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

2. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.and last but not least...

1. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot!

Baby You're a Star!

2006-01-14T13:03:00.000-05:00

Couldn't resist! Go to http://www.famousstar.de/ to get your own hollywood star!

There's a guy at school and everytime he sees me he says "baby you're a star!" Some people have a little too much fun calling me Star. And then there's the songs. "You're a shining star..." "Twinkle twinkle little star..." Need we go on?!

Well ya gotta give in at some point. There, now I got my very own hollywood star. See ya in hollywood! LOL :)

no coffee this morning--aahhh!!

2006-01-14T11:59:00.000-05:00

I've had no coffee this morning! Now that's scary. I had hot chocolate instead and, while I love hot chocolate, it is not a substitute for coffee. In addition to coffee, sure! Instead of coffee, no way! I want my coffee!

Alrighty, I am getting off to a really lazy start. I don't wanna do anything. I'm so glad it's a holiday weekend, but I know it's going to fly by. I can't believe classes begin again this week! I need to finish reading the book, I've been reading so I can at least have 1 of my 6 books read before class, because I just can't keep up with everything between work and everything else in my life. I wish I could have had 2 books read, but 1 is better than none. And I will have to trust that I can get through another semester. Well it won't be in my own strength, but God's. Cause right now taking a semester off sure sounds nice. But I will move on. And I will make the best of this. And I will enjoy every area of my life and not get hung up over school! I can do this!

I'm listening to Nichole Nordeman, one of my favorite singers. Her lyrics are just amazing. I hang on to every word. Right now I'm listening to this song, one of my favorites:

What If

(Nichole Nordeman)

What if you’re right?

And he was just another nice guy

What if you’re right?

What if it’s true?

They say the cross will only make a fool of you

And what if it’s true?

What if he takes his place in history

With all the prophets and the kings

Who taught us love and came in peace

But then the story ends

What then?

But what if you’re wrong?

What if there’s more?

What if there’s hope you never dreamed of hoping for?

What if you jump?

And just close your eyes?

What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?

What if He’s more than enough?

What if it’s love?

What if you dig

Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends

What if you dig?

What if you find

A thousand more unanswered questions down inside

That’s all you find?

What if you pick apart the logic

And begin to poke the holes

What if the crown of thorns is no more

Than folklore that must be told and retold?

You’ve been running as fast as you can

You’ve been looking for a place you can land for so long

But what if you’re wrong?

I love this song. I find myself asking "what if....?" After I"ve run out of what to say to someone I love so much. When that person knows it all anyway, so what could I say? I can ask, what if?

You don't believe in Jesus who loves you so much. But what if you're wrong? About it all.... Why is it so hard to believe? Because everyone has let you down, and you believe He did to? Or is it more so what you believe He didn't do. But what if you're wrong? Wrong about how it works. It's easier to believe that He doesn't exist than to face the question of whether He did or did not let you down. But what if you did ask? What if you faced Him? What if you told Him how you felt? Maybe you'd find that He's hand has been reaching for you all along. What did you expect His hand to look like? Maybe it's what you didn't see. Or what you didn't think would be the way He'd come to your rescue or comfort you. Maybe if it wasn't for Him, you wouldn't be here right now. What if?

p.s. Ok, I'm really not trying to make every entry a song. But a song can just say it all. And I haven't written my own songs in a while (really need to get back to writing!)...

It's hard to be a Christian these days...

2006-01-13T17:20:00.000-05:00

I know my last post was full of emotion! It was just a really hard thing for me to deal with. Sometimes I just get so sick of what this world has become. It's aweful. If I feel like this, what in the world must God be feeling? His children are crushing His heart, and it's not just those who are unsaved but the very ones who claim to be living for Him. And I am guilty too!

I guess it hurts so much when someone you really thought you could look at like as a christian mentor falls and doesn't even see what's wrong. And it's so much harder when dealing with matters that aren't as easily laid out in Scripture. I know I can't control the choices people make, including those I look at as ones who will make the right ones. We can only control our own choices, our own attitudes, our own response.

As much as I try to not be a judgmental person, I still struggle with that so much especially when it involves a Christian I look up to. I mean I expect that a non-Christian will act in non-Christian ways. And unfortunately I can be really judgmental and condescending at times.

It's hard being a Christian these days. I have lost interest in my church. It just isn't the church I grew up in. I hardly desire to go anymore. I don't go to sunday school like I used to either. I'm not involved in my church. I have gotten involved in parachurch ministries instead. I still love the Lord so much, and do want to grow and try to. It's just my church that I'm losing interest in. And I have even thought about switching churches. But how do you leave a church you've been at since the day you were born? It's not easy. And how do you choose a new one? The good ones seem so hard to find these days. Besides doctrinal issues, there is so much that makes a good church. I think I would like a church that is small (mine is big) and that has a lot of ministries to be involved with or is interested in developing new ministries. I have such a heart for some deliberately un-reach people groups, and I would want a church that is sensitive and loving and has a heart for those groups as well. So where is this church? I'll let you know if I find it. But church just feels like a place to check into every week, and I don't want it to be that way.

It's hard to be a Christian these days but there is no other way I want to be!

Heavenly Father,

Help me to not get discouraged by the choices made by those I love. Help to remember that while You have given us free will, You can and do still speak to human hearts and You can influence their thought patterns and help them to see right and wrong. Your Word says that a person makes many plans in his/her heart but only Your purposes will prevail. Father, I pray that Your purposes will be the only ones that prevail in my life and in the lives of those I love. Help me to be an example in word and deed. Father I know that if I have a judgmental and condemning spirit then Your light will not be seen in me. You ask us to speak the truth in love not in jugment, not in anger, not in bitterness, not in condemnation. Help me to speak truth in Your love and to show Your mercy to everyone, for none of us deserve it, including me! Father, while it's so tempting to pray "change my circumstances" and "change this and this person," my prayer today instead is change me and change my attitude. Make me more into Your child who reflects You. I know that nothing speaks louder than the way that I live my own life. Father help me to live my life in a way that honors and glorifies You.

In Jesus' precious name I pray, Amen.

Sick to my stomach

2006-01-12T17:35:00.000-05:00

I feel so sick. It's 5:30 p.m. On Thursday and I haven't slept since Tuesday night. I tossed and turned all last night. I feel so sick. What do you do if you feel you've lost your family? Or at least the most closest family to you? What do you do if you thought you knew someone, looked up to them, they taught you the morals you hold to and then they go around and become someone else entirely? What do you do when you've held someone up on a pedestal and they come crashing down? When you feel everything you thought they were for 20 plus years is a lie? What do you do when you feel you've lost it all?

I guess you hold on to the only thing you have, if you're lucky to have it: God. He's it. I was in a phase in my life where all my friends have moved away, I haven't developed any close relationships with people nearby, and all I pretty much had was the person who's become someone else entirely. And now I feel beyond sad. It's one thing to not have friends to go out with, and it's something else to lose your family too. I just feel so torn apart. I feel so alone. I know God's with me, but right now I feel so sick to my stomach that I can't seem to reach out to Him or get a hold of myself. I don't know how I made it through work. I feel terrible. I thought things were bad before, but now it's just worse than I could have ever imagined in all my life.

Jesus must be coming back soon, because EVERYONE is falling away. The Bible says that Christians will fall away from the faith, and they seem to be dropping like flies. It's so sad. The society in which we live, when Christians mix their morals and standards with those that reflect a very messed up society.........it's awful. I feel heartbroken. I guess this is somewhat like what God would feel. Only I feel angry too? I can't believe this makes me feel this angry. I guess I'm angry at the choices being made by someone I looked up to. And I'm angry at the work that satan is up to.

I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. But I mean I know this is right and this is wrong, I don't try to say that this wrong thing is right. That's the worst! I don't want to judge, I'm just so disappointed. It's heartbreaking to watch. I'm so torn. I feel all alone right now in my dorm room. I feel like just trying to cry myself to sleep. Even though it's not even 6 p.m. I just feel so sick.......

So sad....

So broken...

I guess I'll try to do the one thing that always makes me feel better, although at this moment I totally don't feel like it: listen to praise and worship music.

You are Worth It All!

2006-01-11T12:52:00.000-05:00

Another beautiful song about your worth to God your Heavenly Daddy. He loves us so much!! Do you know that today?

Worth It All

“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You’re mine. When you are in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end—Because I am God, your personal God, the Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you. . .That’s how much you mean to me! That’s how much I love you! I’d sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you.” --Isaiah 43:1-4

O Child, you’ve never known

How I really feel

Cause you’ve never been shown

O child, you’ve never known

That my love is real

Cause you’ve never been shown

I’m about to show you for myself

So listen baby,You don’t need nobody else - cause

You are mine, you are loved

You have always been thought of

When you hurt

I feel it every time

You are mine, you are loved

And I’m never giving up

Till I’ve dried all the tears you cry

Long before you took a breath

I took your pain upon my chest

I knew your name, I heard you call

It was worth it all

You are worth it all

O child, it wasn’t fair

How they walked away

Left you standing there

O child, I saw your tears

Was with you everyday

Through the lonely years

I’m about to bring back what was lost

So listen baby,You don’t need nobody else - cause

No matter where you go

I’ll come and find you

You are precious to me…My everything

No matter what they’ve done I will repair you

You’re a masterpiece to me…Only I can see

That underneath the hurt and the pain

Is a picture of me

O Child, where did you go

Please don’t walk away

I love you so

So here I come to say

© 2005 New Spring, a div. of Zomba Enterprises (ASCAP) / Schnickelfritz Music Publishing (ASCAP). All rights for the US on behalf of Schnickelfritz Music Publishing (ASCAP) administered by Zomba Enterprises, Inc.

You are worth My Love!

2006-01-11T12:39:00.000-05:00

This song is from FFH's new album, which I am crazy about! And why not? It's all about God's amazing love for you and me! I always listen for a song that reminds of how much God loves my dear friends who do not know Him.

This song goes along with my last post about how my dear friend who can't see his worth. This song is God saying to him (and he knows who he is!!): "_____, this is how I see YOU. This is why I sent my Son to give His life for YOU. I wish YOU could see yourself as I, your Heavenly Daddy, sees YOU. YOU, ______, have so much worth because I love YOU, and I will always love YOU!!"

Through My Eyes

“Hey there! All who are thirsty, come to the water! Why do you spend your money on junk food, your hard earned cash on cotton candy? Listen to me, listen well: Eat only the best, fill yourself with only the finest. Pay attention, come close now, listen carefully to my life-giving, life nourishing words. I’m making a covenant commitment with you.”-- Isaiah 55:1-3

If you could only see yourself through my eyes

You would finally get a glimpse of

You would probably be surprised to find

You’re good enough

If you could only see yourself through my eyes

You would surely be convinced of

You would probably be amazed to find

You’re worth my love

But I wait for you

To ask me the truth

You’ve been searching everywhere

To find that you’re still thirstyI

f you would only drink of me

You’d find that

You would be satisfied

If you could see it through my eyes

If you could only see the world through my eyes

You would finally see the difference

Between what is real and what is disguise

You would, I know

But I wait for you

To ask me the truth

I see you’ve been trying

To become someone you’re not

I see you’ve been crying

Cause somewhere you forgot

That I wait for you

To ask me the truth

Wits End Corner

2006-01-09T22:10:00.000-05:00

I send out a prayer list for the online group I'm in every week. I like to open up with a verse that God has shown me and that encourages me. This has been the group favorite, which I get many requests for:

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed..."--Romans 4:18 I LOVE the Message's paraphrase of this verse. Listen to this:

"When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway,

deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn't do

but on what God said He would do."

My friend, when everything is hopeless, we must believe anyway and make a conscious decision to live not on the basis of what we can see neither we nor any man can do but on what God says He can and will do. With God ALL things are possible (not some or even most but ALL!!!). Let us never underestimate the power that He holds. Sure we have free will. But God can and believe me He does work in human hearts!

Today, maybe this means very little to you. Maybe you've tried the God-thing and it just didn't work. Maybe you're saying sure this verse sounds great, but I just haven't found it to be true in my life. Maybe you're saying, God's not working on your heart, and you don't want Him to. Think about a heart that you'd love for Him/someone to work on. Maybe it's a broken relationship. Maybe someone really hurt you. Maybe there's someone that you are really longing to be reconciled with. That's what this verse is all about. Is there something in your life that seemed pretty hopeless that now you are seeing small signs of "hope" with? That's God...He's working. He's been working all along. We often miss Him because He does not always work the way we think He should. And His timing is often not our own timing. Take a good look, do you see His hand? Maybe you can't right now. Maybe now is a time God is calling you into a season of trust and faith. I've been praying for a few years now for some seemingly "impossible" situations......Situations that involve human beings with real circumstances and free wills of their own. But I have seen God work. And I didn't at first. It took so much patience. It took so much prayer. It took waiting on God's timing. But as I drew close to Him in faith, and as I alwayed Him to change my heart first before my circumstances and that of which I was praying for, as I was obedient and patient He slowly showed me little signs of hope. Patiently, we must wait....

Wits’ End Corner

Are you standing at ‘Wits’ End Corner’
Christian, with troubled brow?
Are you thinking of what is before you
And all you are bearing now?
Does all the world seem against you,
And you in battle alone?
Remember – at Wits’ End Corner
Is just where God’s power is shown.

Are you standing at Wits’ End Corner,
Blinded with wearying pain,
Felling you cannot endure it,
You cannot bear the strain,
Bruised through the constant suffering,
Dizzy and dazed and dumb?
Remember – to Wits’ End Corner
Is where Jesus loves to come.

Are you standing at Wits’ End Corner,
Your work before you spread,
All lying, begun, unfinished
And pressing on heart and head,

Stretching out trembling hands?
Remember – at Wits’ End Corner
The burden Bearer stands

Are you standing at Wits’ End Corner
Yearning for those you love,
Longing and praying and watching,
Pleading their cause above,
Trying to lead them to Jesus,
Won’ring if you’ve been true?
He whispers – at Wits’ End Corner
I’ll win them as I won you.

Are you standing at Wits’ End Corner
Then you’re just in the very spot
To learn the wondrous resources
Of him who faileth not!
No doubt to a brighter pathway
Your footsteps will soon be moved,
But only at Wits’ End Corner
Is the ‘God Who is able’ proved.

-author unknown to me
(Psalm 34:19; 107:27)

Trust Him today. He can be your very Best Friend if you give Him a chance. Christianity isn't a cure all. And God isn't going to wave a magic wand and make everything perfect in your life. It just doesn't work that way. But there is never a day you have to walk down this road alone. And there is no situation that is hopeless and out of His control. He'll be there no matter what. Sometimes He'll just be that friend that you want to vent everything out to at the end of the day, or that faithful friend who just sits with you, while neither of you say a word. Today He'll hold you. Will you let Him? He'll kiss those tears. He's already gathered them all in a bottle. He loves you so much. You are His precious little one, created in His image.

Will you talk to Him today? Maybe you don't know where to start. Just start talking! Maybe you feel you've messed up so much there's no way you could even approach him. He says come just as you are. You are never too far away to come back home. Today, He will lead you until you are back in His arms again. Today, He holds out His hand as you stand at wits end corner wondering what lies ahead for you. He's waiting. Will you come?

Worthy because I'm Loved

2006-01-06T12:54:00.000-05:00

"Some things are loved because they are worthy," and some things are worthy because they are loved. That is us in Christ. We are worthy because of His love." --author unknown to me

I'm trying to be a good Christian friend to my dear friend who has fallen away from Christ. The other night when we were talking he told me that he wasn't worthy of my love and friendship. He's told me on many occasions over the years that he wasn't worthy of me. I wish I had that quote when we talked. I said something along similar lines to him. The truth is I am no better than him. ALL of us have fallen short of the glory of God. We have ALL gone astray. No one is guilt-free. God doesn't measure our sin, we do that! We say this sin is worse than that one. God sees sin, no matter what. All sin separates us from him. Some sin in its nature has deeper consequences, but all sin is sin and has the greatest consequence of all: a life without God. I am a sinner saved by grace. I accepted forgiveness. I have HIs love. And so in His love I'm made worthy.

I make mistakes daily! I'm always falling down and getting back up again. I'm not perfect. None of us are, whether we are Christians or not. I am definitately not "worthy" in and of myself. I am worthy because I am loved by the most wonderful person in all the universe: Jesus Christ. Anything good in me is His love pouring out of me because His spirit lives in me. I make different choices in my life because I have chosen to live for Him. I don't always make the right choice on a day to day basis. But I have made the biggest choice of all: I've accepted Him as my Savior. And when I mess up now, His grace covers my sin--love, His love, covers a multitude of sin!

Maybe you are reading my blog today , and you want to know more about this love that I am talking about. Maybe you do not feel worthy. Maybe you've been carriying around guilt and shame that has become more than you can bear. Maybe you are tired of the voices that say that you'll never be good enough. Maybe you are tired of crying yourself to sleep at night. Maybe you are alone, and are even contemplating ending your life. I think you are precious. You are made in the image of your Heavenly FAther who loves you so much. Read a beautiful letter all about his love for you at : www.thefathersloveletter.com God loves you so much, and He knows everything you are going through. And you don't have to go through another day alone. He'll be with you. He will be your strength and hope.

Maybe you are reading my blog today, and you were raised in the Christian church just like my friend. Maybe you've heard all this before, believed it, and even shared these things with others! Somewhere down the road life happened. Reality sunk in. You saw how ugly and how difficult this world is. And you wonder, where was God when my mom died? Where was God when my step-dad abused me? Where was God when all those kids teased me at school. Why wasn't He there then? Why did He make me go through all that. OR maybe you've heard so much about God and you're sick of it. You've been so hurt by His people. After all, they are just a bunch of hypocrites. Unfortunately, God has been misrepresented by the very ones who are supposed to be representing Him! And He has been painted as the one who has left you abandoned you. Maybe you were told that you didn't "pray hard enough." OR Maybe you were told that there was some sin in your life. Whatever you've heard, you've been painted a picture of a God who was not there for you. But that's not the truth. And that's not the God of the Bible. The God of the Bible is a God who is constantly pursuing you because He loves you so much.so much that HE sacrificed His own son so that you may forever be His child. Our world is corrupted and fallen and unfortunately bad things happen to good people. People make their own choices: free will. And diseases, death--these are all part of a fallen world. While God sometimes does directly intervene, sometimes He just walks by our side and comforts us. He's there for us. And if it seems that life isn't "going are way"...God has given us the best thing of all: the promise of heaven. While we are here on earth, He'll be there. Maybe you don't feel Him today..You can't see him.....will you trust His heart?

My prayer is that you would accept God's precious gift of love. A brand new start is yours today, and a personal relationship with God. Meeting God is as simple as receiveing Jesus into your life. Ask Him to meet You where you are. If you are not sure that you've accepted Him and you want to, then make this your prayer today, accept Christ into your heart and life and receive His presence and the promise of heaven:

Dear Lord Jesus, I need You...I need Your grace to forgive me and I need your love to change me. Thank You fo Your amazing love. Thank You for giving me eternal life. Above all, thank you for dying on the cross for me. I accept You as my Lord and Savior. Now I am a Christian, which means You are living in me. I beling to You. I will live my life for You and I will love You forever. Amen.

If you've prayed this prayer or you're not sure/confused/have questions, drop me a note! I want you to live a beautiful life that's full and rich and I want you to find that strength for all your days. I wish you the very best in this new year. Remember, You are worthy because You are loved. So loved.

surprise call

2006-01-05T22:19:00.000-05:00

Got a call from my dear friend last night. It was soooooooo good to hear from him after like a month! IT was so good to hear all about how his trip home for Christmas was, and to hear how he is thinking of moving back home (where he belongs, although I can't help wishing he was closer to me :( ) We had a great talk, and I could really see how God IS working on his heart! I was just so happy. I've been praying for so long for him, and I really can see the fruit of these prayers. HE is such a beautiful person inside out, and it's so good to be able to share his dreams and hope for him and encourage him to pursue soemthing better than the life he's living.

Fave quote that I heard recently, which I shared with him: No one can go back and make a new beginning, but anyone can start now and make a new ending. If we are a Christian, we know the end and it spells victory! Praise the Lord!

I'm having such a great week. And I feel so fired up for the Lord. I'm excited because i just found out that my job is considered a ministry. I work at a Bible college, but I never thought of it as a ministry before since I get paid. Anyway, I love to think of it this way. So I have been involved in 3 ministries concurrently. My life is ministry. Praise God! No wonder I can feel God's blessings pouring down. Now I just need to get back into reading my Bible daily. That is my weak point! I'm going to go to bed tonight again, not having read. This is one of my new year's resolutions and so far not doing too good. Well I did come up with a bible reading plan that I think I can manage. I'm not yet ready for the Bible in a year. I NEVER stick to it. I'm trying smaller portions that I can really reflect on. And I think I'm going to use the MESSAGE version. Totally love it!

Well, good night!

A God After Our Own Heart!

2006-01-04T17:02:00.000-05:00

I just got my paper back that I've been stressing over since my teacher indicated to me that I wrote it incorrectly. It was a whole sob story that I do not feel like getting into now but basically I had to re-write a paper I had worked all semester on in a matter of a few days, a few days that went into my birthday! I didn't have a good confrontation with my professor, and walked away very hurt, upset and crying my eyes out. I didn't feel he appreciated my hard work, and I felt he was being unfair and inconsistent in his dealings with me. Anyway, I ended up getting a 90, which is a B+ at my school. I haven't seen a B+ in a long time, but this time it was actually a relief and a good grade to me because I'll still end up with an A in the class. I think my paper was an A quality. And maybe since it didn't exactly hit every requirement to the letter an A- paper. I don't appreciate that his secretary graded it with her little perfectionist comments (such a hypocrite because she accuses me of being a perfectionist--but I will actually admit to my weaknesses)...but I did appreciate that he at least gave me one extra point. She had given me a 89, which is a B.

I wrote my paper on how God's Word is His love letter to us, and I titled it "A God After Our Own Heart." (By the way, I am in seminary getting a biblical counseling education). I believe that before we ever become a man or woman after God's own heart (like David), God has to first be a God after our heart. God's love letter to us shares His persistent pursuit to woo us with His love in hope that we may one day long after His good heart. Time and time again it is God's love that leads a son or daughter back to the Father's arms. In light of His love, we can embrace His truth. God sends His personal love letter to His dear lost child and heals him/her by His love that opens the door to receive His truth. I focused a lot on Luke 15:11-32, which truly reflects the heart of the Gospel and beautifully portrays God's personal story for us from Genesis to Revelation.

I wrote this paper thinking about my dear, dear friend that I met over 8 years ago in a Christian chat room. Since then, he has strayed so far from God, falling into so many different things. Lately I've been thinking how do I witness to someone who knows God's Word as well as I do, probably better considering he doesn't have a bible college and seminary education. He made a comment to me a year and a half ago that inspired this paper and the answer God has shown me to how do I witness to him: "You have risen above the Christian label. You my dear are an actual Christian to me. When I read the Bible, I see Star. Sure you make mistakes but you still live the life that I think God would want." He read a letter on my heart; he heard the gospel without words.

II Corinthians 3:3 says, "...you are a letter from Christ..written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God...carved not on stone, but on human hearts (NLT).

It is my conviction that the love of Christ wins hearts. This doesn't minimize sin or the need to confront; the love of Christ is not the words we speak but who we are.

I'll close with this song by Rebecca St. James. If I had one chance to tell my friend soemthing, I would tell him that God is crazy about him. Hopefully, this is the message he has been hearing from me. When I have seen breakthroughs into his heart, it's been because of this love not the pointing of fingers at his glaring sins.

We were younger then, you and me, full of dreams, weren’t we?

I went my way, you went yours, where did you go, dear?

Someone said you had left the life we lived together then

This is my way of reaching out ‘cause I remember…

This is what I want to say to you

If I had one chance to speak to your heart

You are loved

More than you could ever know

This is what I want to say to you

If I had one chance to tell you something

You are loved

More than you can imagine

Imagine

If I told you would you believe, the narrow road, I did not leave

If I told you would you understand that I’ve found truth

Are you jaded? Are you hurting now? How I wish that I could tell

Where your heart’s at…can you see? Mine has found – home

Not sure if I’ve, made it clear enough

It’s not my love I sing about

Everybody asks, “Is God good?”

I believe, He isIn fact I know, He is

Love up to the stars!

2006-01-02T12:58:00.000-05:00

My name is Star (actually that's more of a nick name/shorter version of my name), and I just turned 24. I am getting old! I can't believe I used to not be able to wait until I was this age, now I just want to be eighteen again and hanging out with my friends. Now my friends are getting married and soon babies will be on the way I'm sure! And I'm wondering, well what is in store for me? I believe in knowing someone a long time (years and years) before getting married, so......umm did I say I was 24? That's ok though. My life is wonderful. I'm still young (I think so), and diving right into all my dreams!

I used to have an online diary and then this evil hacker came along and deleted all the entries on the website, and it was a pretty popular site. I say this to say that I was not eager to do this again, but I suppose I can post every now and then just for fun. And why not, I need more adventure in my life!

Why is it called "Love up to the stars!" Well, when I was little I always used to say how much do you love me? And of course there was the stretching out of arms and saying this much. Now that I am older I still find myself asking how much are my loved and how much should I love? Just how much does God love me? Well, that could never be put into words. But perhaps He loves me something like up to the stars and back. And I want to love up to the stars and back. Maybe then I get just a little glimpse into the love God has for me and everyone.

Today, love up to the stars and it WILL come back!

Love Up to the Stars!

New Year...New Beginnings

Difficult Answers to Prayer

What Faith Must Do...

Believing for the Impossible...

It's not too late...you CAN be saved...

Turn away from it and pass on!

Hold Me...Head and Shoulders

No Passion

Waiting for My Life to Begin...

Broken into Beautiful

* something to say *

A New Year...

Wits End Corner

Mercy Sees You!

51 days til Christmas :)

No One Else Knows...

St. Thomas pics :)

I'd say it's time for a post!

Only Grace

heat, heat and more heat!

Prayers Please

Love never fails!

Catching Up

Lead Him Home

The final stretch!

~ We've got to take it day by day ~

The Fire

Easter Hope

Heavenly Daddy, I need You

Squeaky Clean Sleep

No sleep....but not out of His rest and care....

It is Well with My Soul

I will stand behind His Word...

He Is Able

Thank you so much!!!

Against All Hope

God's Love is INCOMPREHENSIBLE!!

Casting Crowns, Avalon & Zoe Girl!!

One of those days!!

Happy Saint Valentine's Day!

SNOW LOVER!! And proud of it!!

Jesus Take the Wheel

TGIF!!!

School Days...

Baby You're a Star!

no coffee this morning--aahhh!!

It's hard to be a Christian these days...

Sick to my stomach

You are Worth It All!

You are worth My Love!

Wits End Corner

Worthy because I'm Loved

*surprise call*

A God After Our Own Heart!

Love up to the stars!

surprise call