Love Up to the Stars!

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Heavenly Daddy, I need You

After I learned that my sister (and her new husband) returned home tonight, I gave her a call. She seemed so cold :( I have never felt this distant from my sister in my life. It used to be that I was closer to no one more than my sister. This is the most heartbreaking thing I have ever faced in my life! And I've head some heartbreaking things to face (my father's death, watching friends I care about so much walk away from Christ, etc). I tried to share the hurt I felt for how she handled things....but she wasn't receptive to it. She just said in a cocky way that she eloped. She didn't have any desire to listen to any of my pain.....she just wanted to justify her actions. It hurts so much. She said that she still wanted to go to church tomorrow with me. I so don't want to go with her, but I fought the ever increasing desire to distance myself from her and told her I would go with her. Pray for me. This is the first time I will be seeing her since all this happened. I have so many different feelings inside---hurt, anger, confusion, fear (who is this person I thought was my sister?). I really don't want to go with her. And I surprised myself by gently saying I'd go and letting all the hurt tuck back inside me. If I never get to share my hurt with her, I think one day (I hope anyway) she will realize how her actions have hurt me, our mom and family as a whole.

I am a much more judgmental person than I realize. I can't believe how loving and merciful I can be to a best friend whose making poor choices, but how quick to condemnation and jugment I am with my sister. I guess it's so different with your family. Not that you love the non-family person any less, it's just different. And it's different for me because she isn't just my sister.....she really raised me. She is like a mom. You put your parent figures on a pedastal. Your mentors. And when they fall......well, you didn't prepare for that. And it's so heartbreaking.

Heavenly Daddy, I need You....

I need Your love to break through my hurt.

I need Your truth to speak to my confusion.

I need Your grace to help me be like You.

I need Your mercy to realize I make mistakes too.

I need Your hope to believe that there will be better days.

I need Your faith to guide me every step of the way.

And Heavenly Daddy, I need You to hold me.

sent to the stars at 7:59 PM

2 Comments:

At Saturday, April 15, 2006 9:22:00 PM, no_average_girl said…

hey girl...may He bless you during this rough time! just be patient with her. i can't emphasize enough how much she'll need you in the future!
At Saturday, April 22, 2006 3:20:00 PM, Susanna said…

You know what? I think we are more judgemental on family because we love them more and their actions effect us more. We see the pain they casue to other people that we love. It is so different when things happen within our families. Keep laying it all before the Lord.